Commending all for whom (and what) we pray

On Wednesday night, one of my fellow worshipers spoke of his wife praying for strength. He said that perhaps she should stop praying for strength because God then keeps giving her situations in which to use that strength. Maybe she should pray for peace instead.

I don't believe that is how God works.

But, I wonder if I should stop praying for strength....and perhaps wisdom as well.

I'm not going to stop praying for strength and wisdom in my work, but it does make me recognize that sometimes those are the two qualities for which I pray the most. I don't pray for lightheartedness or a restful time for myself. I don't pray to have a light work week or a full social calendar.

I'm realizing...regardless of how one believes prayer works...that I would like to be more well-rounded in my prayers for myself. Prayers for others tend to be holistic. Prayers myself tend to focus on work.

So, today I'm going to pray that my time at the orchard is invigorating and dry (rain is in the forcast) and that the brewery birthday party is joyous and energizing. Amen.

A Visit From Mom

My easy going mom has been visiting. Her visits are always good for me. We eat well but not too much, I usually end up learning something, and we walk (outside or in a museum or at some other entertainment venue).

It's nice to have someone - the person from whom I probably learned the most about attending church - to recognize the same idiosyncrasies of my congregation as I do. Like the incredibly long sharing of the peace, or the fact that a couple people carry their hymnals with them to coffee hour (because after that they are heading home...and since they sponsored the hymnals they believe they should be able to bring them home and bring them to worship each Sunday).

It's also nice to not talk about church and to hear about experiences that she is having and has had. To change certain assumptions I've had. To get her take on current events and life in general. To get hugs from my mama.

It wasn't technically vacation, but it felt a bit like it.

Unexpected Visitors

I've had a number of surprise visitors in worship recently. Last Sunday members of the congregation in which I grew up popped in. (Unfortunately it was one of the rare Sundays in which I wasn't preaching...but that just means they'll have to come again.)

This Sunday a dear friend...who told me that he warned me earlier in the week, but I don't recall it.

Next Sunday...well, I suppose that's not unexpected, but a visitor nonetheless - my mom.

But, today there was one potential unexpected visitor that did not show up - and I'm a bit relieved.

Today we held a pet blessing in the afternoon. This is an annual tradition held near the commemoration of St. Francis of Assisi (Oct 4th). We read some scripture, say some prayers, I bless each animal (I think we had about 12 dogs and one picture of a cat present this afternoon). Some congregations are brave enough to hold this pet blessing during the regular Sunday morning worship - with the pets sitting through the service. I am not that brave - and I'm not sure some of the animals would have made it either.

Just prior to the regular morning service the organist told me that his good friend was thinking about bringing her dog to the service....the regular morning service. She wasn't able to make the afternoon blessing and wanted her pup to be blessed. He (the organist) mentioned that I would know if the dog arrived.

Well, neither the dog nor its owner showed up. But, I did bless the dog that may be the ring bearer for the couple I am marrying in another year.

From Their Mouths to God's Ears

I got the giggles yesterday during worship. I was sitting closer to the congregation because we had a guest preacher who was going to preach from the aisle instead of the pulpit (and if I was in my usual spot I would have had to turn around the entire time to see him).

I wrote here about the chance-taking of chanting the psalm, well, today the attempts at praising the Lord with chanting were a bit reversed. It has been traditional for our congregation to speak the psalm, responsively...and so many of those who avoid singing the hymns are chanting the psalm. Yesterday the leader did a wonderful job (it's something he just started working on last spring and it's so fun to see him get better and bolder). But the congregation responding was completely off key and out of tempo. Because I was sitting closer, I got an even louder experience of it.

It was just so charming. Voices raised earnestly with joy, and some trepidation. And, I bet to God it was beautiful.

Ms. Jekyll and Hyde

I had a dr's appt yesterday - just regular procedural stuff.

One of the things I wanted done was to have my cholesterol checked. That requires a fast...meaning no food. My appointment was at 1:15.

Just a warning to one and all - I'm not a very pleasant person when I haven't had any food or caffeine - at all. It was scary...and I don't think I liked myself very much.

After the appt I went to a local coffee joint and had some coffee and a sandwich. Then I came home and took a nap.

All was right in the world once again. And it's a good thing too - I taught Confirmation last night.

Amazing Grace

Today, aided by well loved hymns, I convicted.

My sermon was all about sin - about owning up to it - about no longer being ignorant to the amount of grace and mercy we receive.

There was Gospel, but the weight of the knowledge of sin was heavy.

Then as the Hymn of the Day we sang "Softly and Tenderly Jesus is Calling...come home..." and most powerfully of all - "Amazing Grace" as I handed the bread to people who were sniffing, tearing up, fragile.

It hurts. I'm not telling them - or myself - anything that isn't true. I'm not making them feel any particular way. But, I am calling forth truth. And it's painful.

But the grace came in the meal - that overflowed with abundance - that helped people to know that they had been made right by God.

I'm still feeling fragile. I pronounced the post-communion blessing "May the body and blood of our Lord Jesus Christ strengthen you, and keep you in his grace" a bit choked up and with tears dripping out of the corners of my eyes.

Early Bird

Up until my second year of college I was one of those annoying people who would practically leap out of bed. It's not that I would wake up naturally, but when my alarm went off I was up and ready to go.

Something about those late college nights and extra responsibility removed that immediate bounciness and I started to have to drag myself out of bed, even setting more than one alarm for a while.

Now, however, I've been waking up naturally more and more - earlier too. I am also finding myself somewhere in between these two states. My current mode of operation when I wake up is to be calm and relaxed. I've recently enjoyed a little bit of extra time in the morning in which I get to drink my coffee, read the paper, maybe go for a run and just be.

Ooops - there goes my alarm for the day.

I like this morning time and am thankful for it because while evening time like this - calm, centered around books or music or some task - is nice...it's good to start the day this way.

Now on to tackle this one...

Pests - Just Trying to Show the Love

For the first time since I started wearing contacts (periodically) again, no one at Soup Kitchen commented on whether I was wearing glasses or not.

It's because all the comments were reserved for my newly curly hair.

I don't like it, but I do understand that for some people it is their way of connecting - commenting on appearance. I (probably like most people) appreciate it when someone tells me I look nice, but when it's just general comments about my appearance - I get annoyed. (It also depends on who is saying it, and of course, how it's said.)

I watched a member make the rounds of Soup Kitchen last night and probably experience the same thing I do...she is one that makes an effort to know everyone and is amazingly caring and welcoming.

As people would walk by her (as she was talking with someone else), many would place a hand on her back or shoulder, or flip her hair. It was obviously done out of endearment...and she held her cool.

The same thing happens to me, and I sometimes have to really work to not be incredibly annoyed by it. But, what I saw last night was the beauty of people feeling connected to her. Feeling they had a friend in her. People who probably wouldn't say they have a friend in very many others.

It still is annoying - the same kind of pestering that little kids do to one another when they like each other - but, on the other hand, it's a good sign of relationship and the good work we are doing.

Taking a Chance

I'm not the best singer.

I think I can hear tune and tone and all the important musical things, but I can't always make my voice do that.

So, I've regularly chanted the liturgy, and in the last 6 months we've started to have those Lectors who were interested in chanting chant the Psalm. It's been a set few and I've come to expect that some but not others would.

I've also been working on a worshipful environment that allows us to take chances. That we don't have to be perfect in what we do in order to worship and praise God. Sometimes even saying that we're going to try something that is a little out of our comfort zone - and asking people to remember that what we're doing is about God - not about how we perform. (Although I do also talk about not giving crap to God - but trying our best).

Yesterday I got tears in my eyes as one of my older adults - a woman who I've come to expect to be a bit stuck in her ways - decided to chant the Psalm. Her voice cracked a little - she had to start over for one of the stanzas - but it was beautiful.

Presents from God

God was so present at church last night - it was overwhelming.

Among other ways, God showed up:

* In the new volunteer who was moved to tears as he observed what was going on at the Soup Kitchen. And who recognized that he will be filled as he breaks bread with others (and helps to clean up afterwards).

* In the calming presence of a homeless man as he recommended that the hotheaded one give me a call to tell me what was bothering him. And, the hothead listened and set up a time to call me today.

* In the Free Clinic's calm approach as they realized they were short a nurse. And the matter-of-fact and loving way in which people were handled. (I love nurses!)

* In the church members who stepped up (not thinking they were going to have to) during Soup Kitchen...which was especially needed because it was a 5th Wednesday.

* In the hoards of people who came to Soup Kitchen for the first time last night.

* In a member who I've been working with who really needed a connection that was made.

* In the people who had been regular visitors to worship last Spring but stopped coming due to physical ailments....who stopped by because they learned there is a Free Clinic here - and who said they'll be back on Sunday.

* In the small worship service.
- First with the amazing tale of calling someone's bullshit out - that resulted in anger...but then the transformation that happened and the peace offered.
- Then, in the very real conversation about how we are motivated to do things for others.
- But most amazingly, in the woman - who happened upon our service - who has experienced tragedy, abandonment and disappointment in loved ones - who is truly trying to follow Jesus - not in a passive way, but in a very real, active way. In her story of forgiving others. In her strength. In her excitement for Jesus.
- Also, in the connection that was made as our member who is homeless walked up to her after the service and quietly asked if she needed anything to make it on the street. He who is a guardian angel to so many street people - and an eye opener to members of my church.

* In the reuniting with the guys from AA that I have not seen almost all summer - the jokes, the hugs and their delight in seeing me.

God is so good.

8-6-7-5-3-oh-what?

I've been back at work for a week after being gone for two. This past week has been full of catching up and details and getting things together. I've got a bit more work to do in order to feel on top of things, but that end is in sight.

So, tonight, after my church's book club and after a nice long walk with a friend, I come home and decide that having not eaten dinner (at 9pm) it'd be a good pizza and beer night.

I call up the local pizza delivery establishment and do just fine until she wants my phone number....I say it, the woman taking my order repeats it back to me incorrectly and then for the life of me I cannot remember my phone number. I could get out the first three numbers...and I knew the last 4 had a 9 in it someplace. It was a total block.

I ended up hanging up the phone, regrouping and calling back (at which point she called me 'dear').

I guess my mind can be responsible for only so much.

Hermitage

I've had an intense 2 weeks. And work-wise I do believe this next one will be fairly intense.

As I left my parents' home last night I broke down into tears for just a few minutes. It had been a full day - saying goodbye to my home congregation for really the last time, saying goodbye to my family - with both my brother and sister moving cross country in the next couple weeks, which just changes the family dynamic. That change is fine...and really, I believe, good - but change is emotional for me.

It's been a great two weeks - and a couple of weeks with little to no alone time. I've felt like I've had a good balance of work, play, family and friends - a balance with which I hope to always live my life. But what hasn't been balanced has been the "being with other people" and the "being just with me."

I wouldn't give up a second of that time I spent with another person - even those times when I was hard to deal with ;). But, I do recognize that I am in need to some me-time.

So, following this time away, I'm going to be a little hermit for a few days.

But...Even More Exciting...

My brother called last night to tell me that he and his awesome girlfriend (see here) ARE ENGAGED!!!

They don't plan to be married until after she participates in a year-long program next year - but I'm just so happy. Although it was over cell phone static we had a short conversation about why they wanted to get engaged now. (They offered...I didn't question). It was a great witness (in my opinion) to purpose of marriage at all. My brother said, "This doesn't really change our relationship, but it let's people know our intent."

He's so wise. (It's also something I've said about marriage in general).

YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!

I just cannot express my joy enough here.

My Inner Geek Squad

I love when I'm able to just figure something out.

On Saturday night, before I left for 4 days away I discovered that my computer had died. This had been building up - and I figured it was that it wasn't receiving power. This isn't all that amazing since the cord that feeds the battery (I believe) had some loose wires in it and would regularly need to be wiggled to make it work.

So, I ordered a new cord from Dell - having done so about a year ago as well. It seems that this particular product sucks and people have to regularly repurchase this part for their computers (but $50 is better than $1,000 when you're not in the market for a new computer). On impulse I also bought a new battery for my computer - thinking that it would be nice to again be able to take my computer places an outlet and cord do not go.

I arrived home late last night and my new purchases had arrived. But, alas! I plugged the cord into the computer and nothing happened. It sucked. I was really disappointed. Since I'm heading out (in 3 hours) for vacation, I decided just to put it off.

This morning I woke up to the realization that - the battery had been dying for a while...perhaps the battery just finally said enough and retired itself.

So, without having my morning coffee I set to work to figure out how to change my computer's battery.

Success! The battery is changed - and the computer works!!

I feel like I'm the smartest person in the world. Or, at least sitting in my chair.

I hate being the one to set other people's boundaries. I don't like having to tell people what to do.

I don't like confrontation. Especially when it involves me needing to set boundaries (my own and others). I do it because it's necessary. While I might initially step back, I don't shy away from it.

I especially don't like it though, when it involves my personal life. Here I drag my feet.

Just Wait

A couple minutes ago I went to get rid of some flowers that are over a week old when I noticed that a couple of the more hidden, tiny ones are just starting to bloom. Sure, the more showey flowers are dead - brown even (and should have been thrown out a few days ago), but there is new, subtle beauty opening up within the death.

This morning I led the Outreach committee in some visioning - some evaluation. It was a bit nerve wracking to be the leader because of some strong personalities...but it was a productive morning, with good conversation.

There have been some showy examples of how we are involved in the community, but I think the true testament is the continued relationship building that is going on. We named that, and noted that we need to continue to work on that. It might not be a big production of show, but a quiet build up of community.

There has also been a quiet build up for my own support network. It sometimes explodes in recognizing (as I did last night) that I've got some pretty cool friends - and they're not all pastors (!). As I somehow ended up at one friend's performance with four other friends who either barely knew each other - or had never met. Add to that, the work support network that continues to emerge - I think as a vision is being knit together and communicated. They aren't so much a support of me as a support of the work that I think we're all working towards...but it's so much nicer than attempting the work alone.

My Mailman ROCKS!

This morning as a friend and I left the house to go to the Farmer's Market we ran into my mailman as he was organizing his route. He asked if I was waiting for Harry Potter and I excitedly responded that I was and did he have it???

He did and I squealed and jumped up and down as someone 20 years younger than myself would (tee hee!!!!). He handed me the book and then looked at me thoughtfully and said, "Seeing your reaction, I wonder if I should go deliver these other books right now."

My friend and I went on our way and soon saw him drive by. When we returned from the Farmer's Market he was back on my street and I asked if he did deliver them. He said that he had and that all but one of the recipients was really excited too.

My mailman rocks.

Flexibility

I love that I get to set my own schedule.

I decided that I was going to primarily work from home today. I've been in intense situations with a lot of people - and have had to make a lot of decisions lately. Now, I'm home. My secretary knows where to find me. But, for the most part I'm working on writing. I need to - I have a lot to put together and write.

I rarely take advantage of the flexibility I have in my schedule, because I so often overwork. Not this week though.

The flexibility of my schedule - and my failure to keep time for myself - then leads to body aches and pains. I do hold tension - often from the pains of others - in my body. I feel it. I try to stretch, to breath, to do what I can to let go of it. But, it doesn't always work.

So, in essence, the flexibility of my job hinders the flexibility of my body....only when I allow it to. Crap. It's all on me again.

Blasted - updated

A Sunday morning post again.
I'm prying my eyes awake this morning after one set of my blasted neighbors decided to race a buzzing motorcycle or scooter on my street for a couple hours after midnight and then my downstairs neighbors (perhaps the same ones who were riding the motorcycle??? I dunno??) decided it was a fantastic idea to set off (blasted) fireworks....the big kind...between 2:45 and 3:15.

I would really love to curl up under the covers this morning and have a lazy Sunday morning. I'd like to do that many weeks - but especially today. Currently, after forcing myself to get up and start getting ready I've got that combination exhaustion/alertness quality going on. The one that feels a lot like anxiety.

Oh well. Today I think I only have a short time of work and can hopefully be back home (under the covers) by 11:30....earlier than normal. I just have to make it through the next four and a half hours.

UPDATE
It's just after 11:30 and I'm home with definite plans to spend some quality time in my bed. However, worship was really good today. Despite my half-comatose state...it was energizing and warm (in emotion, not temperature). Yay!

For the first time since last Fall... (Possibly TMI for some)

I love the way my skin feels.

My skin ailments are many:
Eczema
Folliculitus (infection of hair follicles and a darn fun word to say)
A multitude of Allergies (including, I believe to my own sweat)

Compounded by stress, dry winter weather and the fact that sometimes I like to try random things like waxing my legs (which was actually a positive move in my opinion)...my skin has taken a bit of a beating.

But now, although it has a few scrapes and bruises....It feels good.

Hooray!