Sorting it out

Yesterday and today have been/will be times when I've had to be grounded and non-anxious. I think I succeeded in that yesterday - and in 2 of the three times it was necessary, the event turned out like I would hope it would.

My point to this is to remind myself, that even when I do everything to my best ability, even when I enter into each situation with a good balance of an open spirit and preparation for my part of the situation, even when the intent is there....when working with people there is often an unknown - and there is a high degree of out-of-my-control-ness. When the raw materials are human beings (sounds so cold and calculating), the output is so much more complicated.

I struggle with what to name, what to claim, what to not take responsibility for, and what to discard. What can I learn out of each of those situations? Part of this comes out of my urge to fix the problems - to respond and work towards healthiness.

My task today (in addition to writing a wedding sermon, finishing a grant report and visiting someone in the hospital) is to find this balance - both in public and in private.

Off Balance

I've felt unbalanced lately. Not in the way that might require air quotes....although, maybe a little bit there too.

When I come home, I crash. But, I don't feel like I can truly rest because there is so much to do. And so I don't rest well.

I've been waking up in the middle of the night a lot. I'm worrying. About my work. About the world. About others. About my health (nothing for others to get worked up about...just the usual - exercise, what's going on with my eczema, etc.). About the future...mine and the world's. About how. much. I. have. to. get. done.

Some of these things I can control. Some I cannot. The thing about the control piece? It takes time. It takes time to get my work done. It takes time to do the dishes and pay the bills and read my book club book. It takes time to exercise and talk to people on the phone. And, it doesn't feel like I have time.

Except, I would have a little more time if I didn't come home so exhausted.

I know these aren't fun posts to read. So, thank you if you did. I have known for some time that sometimes I just need to know that someone else might hear my concerns - not to solve them, but to know where I am. At the very least, it's therapeutic for me.

And now, I'm going to go be quiet for a little while and read and then go to sleep. That will help my balance.

I CAN NOT WAIT FOR TONIGHT'S RESULTS!

The title of this post is all I really need to say. I've got all this nervous energy surrounding today and this election. So, I'm going to go vote, then go volunteer and then try to concentrate on my work (add to the nervous energy, it's the last day of work before a week of vacation.....like I'll get anything done anyway...)