Blessings

I just received a card from a former parishioner that is loaded with emotion. Loaded because her husband entered hospice care the weekend that I left that congregation. He died about a month later.

The card was a wedding card, and the note enclosed was such a blessing. Her well wishes for a happy marriage. Her thankfulness for my time with them - both casual visits, and when they received bad news. That she misses me (as I do her),

When her husband was going through treatment they couldn't get out much due to the fear that he would catch something. So when I would visit, we would spend a long time visiting. She missed interaction - and she very much enjoyed hearing about the wedding plans. And, I enjoyed hearing about their lives - particularly their life together.

It is now 2 days before the wedding (2 days!) and things are pretty much under control. I have a few odds and ends I want to accomplish this afternoon, but nothing that would be terribly missed if I failed to do it.

My parents are on their way - my siblings will be flying in this evening - and P is finishing up his last day of work.

I'm nervous about a few things: what if I get really uncomfortable in the dress? What if I'm not feeling well that day? The dance.....we haven't practiced like we said we would. But, overall, I'm just excited!

And, I'm feeling blessed by the people the surround me near and far. The people who, even as they grieve, take time to write a card of well wishes and fond remembrances. The people who have let me know they are praying. My family and friends who are traveling to be here. P's family who have been welcoming to me and have made sure certain things are covered. And, mostly, that P is excited too! That he is as likely to say "so many days until we're married!" as I am.

As a pastor, I always said to couples "something is going to go wrong, but it'll be okay - the most important thing is that you'll be married." I've experienced groomsmen fainting, people really late, a super hot day in an non-air-conditioned church, a snow storm, family fights (though not in the service), forgotten rings, and other missteps - and that's just in the church portion of the day!

I'm looking forward to a day filled with love and laughter - some missteps - some things that don't go quite the way we expect - and in the end, a celebration that sends us off into a life that will be a blessing to each other and the world - until death parts us.

Happy

I am happy.

The Knot tells me there are 19 days until the wedding. I've moved from being terrified by how small the numbers are getting to being really excited.

There are things yet to do, but I get the luxury of not working right now, so I have no doubt that what needs to get done will get done, and what doesn't get done won't be a big deal.

I am happy.

I've got a great roommate ;-) and it's been really easy to live together. I've spend time today putting books in my new bookshelves. There are plenty more yet to place, but it feels more and more like home.

I am happy.

I'm not working, and I am enjoying that. I know I will need to soon, but I find myself getting back to who I am rather than preoccupied with what I need to do for others. My passions are making themselves known again....and right now that's fun. I'm trying to pay attention to what gets me worked up and how I might be able to channel that energy. It's been in justice related issues, not necessarily related to church.

I am happy.

I am continuing to enjoy my new church. I spent a week helping with the 3-5 years olds in their vacation Bible school. That was great fun, particularly because I wasn't needing to be there all day. And, it was fun to see the kids respond and learn and to get to know some of them. Each time I worship, I am finding moments of unexpected grace - today at soloist that was heartbreakingly good, and incredibly humble. A couple weeks ago, a baptism where I didn't have any of my own judgements coming in (because, yes - the baptisms I'm truly excited for are the ones in which I know that the promises made by parents and sponsors and congregation will be kept...and the ones where they won't be are sometimes painful).

I have learned that for the first time since I started communing, I am part of a congregation that does not commune every week. And, I'm trying to find the grace in that as well.

I am happy.

Today, after getting my church in, Pablo and I took a long bike ride. There happened to be a community festival 1/2 a mile from our turnaround point, so we went the 1/2 mile further and enjoyed a kids' talent competition and an ice cream cone before we headed back. I would not have had the energy for a 15 mile bike ride most Sundays - or other days, frankly.

I am happy. I am reconnecting with myself and what is important to me and what I can do.