And More Changes

A baby is coming! A baby is coming!

At 17 weeks, I'm still in the middle stage of seeing obvious changes (a rounder middle), but not yet feeling any movement from inside, and so sometimes actually wondering if I am really expecting.

(However, I didn't have much of that wondering during the first trimester - I was too busy feeling sick to wonder too much.)

Pablo and I are starting to look into what needs to be done and what needs to be purchased and it feels very similar to preparing for our wedding. We'd like things to be nice and functional, and there are some things we will want to do in spite of the economics of it (like the nicer chairs at the wedding - so not necessary, but in the end I'm really glad we sprang for the extra perk).

Yet, similar to the racket that the wedding industry can be (not every vendor is part of it, I know), it seems preparing for and birthing a baby has a similar racket. Do we really need all of the medical tests offered (we said no to most...but not all)? I assume the special dinner offered new moms and dads at the hospital (surf 'n turf and a bottle of champagne) is actually billed to our insurance in some way - is that really necessary? 

We've been told just say no to the wipe warmer, and the diaper genie expenses continue past just getting the device (special bags needed, I guess). I do want an ultra safe car seat, but that doesn't necessarily mean the most expensive. (I am feeling like that should be new, however, not used).

We are going to be looking for a lot of second-hand items. A neighbor's 3rd child is just 1 year old and she's going to be participating in our neighborhood garage sale, so I think we'll wander over there at some point. We plan to check out second hand stores and have gladly accepted donations of used books and maternity clothing for the time being.

These changes are both immediate and a long way off. It's fun to think about, and a little daunting because of how much has to change. 

Making Changes

At this very moment, my husband is being a better advocate for my faith practice than I am.

Looking at the calendar, I realized that the annual meeting for our housing association is schedule on the first Wednesday in Lent. I have been looking forward to this - probably only the 2nd opportunity for me to meet others in our area in some kind of structured setting since I moved here 8 months ago.

I've been looking forward to putting names to faces and figuring out what the association does.

Then, I saw that it was at the same time of another thing I've been eagerly anticipating - worshiping at Lenten services.  So, P has now sent an e-mail to the association (an e-mail everyone will see) noting that the meeting is scheduled on a Wednesday evening in Lent and wondering if we can switch the meeting to a Thursday.

I hemmed and hawed as he wrote the e-mail (which is now sent). Is it okay to note that and ask that?

Part of me is nervous because I worry that people will read this as an attempt to press my religion onto others. Part of me is nervous because I wonder if they don't change it, I'll really have to decide and my decision might mean something to someone other than me. Part of me is nervous because it's not my style to make requests that might put out other people.

Another learning, I suppose.

Not so busy

"If you want to get something done, ask a busy person."

I have found this to be true. And, until recently I have been that kind of busy person. But now, I'm not.

This is the first time in my adult life that I am home most evenings. I'm reading. I'm following tv shows (although, Netflix tv often trumps network television). I'm cooking dinner 2-4 nights a week - like really cooking, not just warming things up. As I've mentioned before, I'm taking classes - well, now only one. My Spanish class was cancelled due to low enrollment.

I have enough time to complete all I want to do. Although, I still often don't get everything I'd like to done. There is not much urgency or importance. If I don't walk in the morning, there is always theoretical time in the evening...or the next morning. I am no longer feeling overwhelmed, or overextended, or exhausted, and I like that.

And, I am having a lot of BIG thoughts - about life, about faith, about what I would like to do. But, with no real outlet for them, they start to get lost.

I'm feeling a restlessness - and, at the same time, a selfishness with my time. I'm not so sure I want to commit to much, because I am enjoying this time of not extending myself too much. I'm enjoying being able to do all that I mentioned before. And, I hope to do more of those things that I've had on my list for ages (actually taking Spanish classes, guitar lessons, volunteering with something other than church, perhaps a cooking class or two).

I guess it comes down to decisions, and being willing to put myself out there - whether it's for things that are selfishly for me or for others (which, really, that's for me too). And, it's a question of balance - of how to say yes, but not too much.