A Lesson From Childhood That Doesn't Carry Over.

In sixth grade I was a crossing guard. I'm not exactly sure what appeal that role held for me, but nonetheless, I was one for one year. (After that year they asked me to go to crossing guard - or patrol - camp in order to become a captain, I declined and stopped being a crossing guard altogether).

One morning a fight broke out in the commons area between two boys who were each much bigger than I. I got in there and tried to break it up. I don't remember all that much of what happened then, but I do remember sitting in the assistant principal's office later that morning. She was a member of my church and it was a bit odd to have my worlds collide like that.

I remember that she was usually a very tough person, but that this morning she was more motherly toward me. I did receive a lecture though - I should not have gotten involved in that fight. I should have gone for the help of an adult.

Now I look around and I'm the adult. As I came home from work on Sunday I passed a car that was stalled in the middle of the road. No one was honking or impatient, but just calmly driving around the stalled car. As I passed I looked in and there was a man with his chin lowered to his chest. It almost looked like he was sleeping.

I drove by, made my turn, then circled the block and came back. He was still there, although now his head was up. As I pulled into the gas station I realized that the cashier was out in the parking lot, trying to both help this man and take care of any customers who happened to come.

I ran into the middle of the street and as I neared the man in the stalled car started to roll up his window. I asked him if he was alright (I wondered if he'd had a stroke or something) and he lowered the window just a crack. (Keep in mind, I had my clergy shirt on - and was wearing a necklace one of my confirmation kids gave me - a cross). The cashier came back and told me he'd been trying to help the man for some time - but kept having to go back into the store. So, we finally managed to convince the man to put his car in neutral and we pushed it over into a nearby parking lot. The cashier dashed off. I tried to see if I could help the man anymore, but he didn't seem to want any more help. I asked if he knew what he was going to do and he said he'd just keep starting his car.

I wonder how many people passed that man and did nothing. The skinny kid of a cashier and I (still not all that big - and definitely not someone who would be chosen first for any feat of strength) could have used more help.

I worry that too many people got that message as a kid that we shouldn't get involved in other people's problems. It makes sense in some ways - don't be dumb. At one point I wondered if I should offer to give this man a ride somewhere, but decided against it - it would be dumb to give an unknown (and rather large) man a ride. Don't be dumb, but that doesn't mean not to be involved at all.

For this I'm thankful

I am thankful for today.

For the beauty of honesty and forgiveness. For the willingness of one to confess.

For two delightful women - living yards from each other in the same nursing home. Neither remembers much from our conversations. Both laugh, joke, cajole and perk up when I visit. It would have been nice to have known them before Alzheimer's, but it's pretty great to know them now as well.

For my secretary.

For my finance committee chair.

For people who are thinking of the church when possibilities arise.

For teenagers.

For the other congregation and their pastor who come on the 4th Wednesday to make supper.

For colleagues.

For a full house tonight - at dinner, at the clinic, at worship.

For members who reach out.

For members who allow themselves to be reached.

For creative nurses, who see the need for a $4 medicine and figure out a way to get it.

For the trust of a homeless man.

For being in the right place at the right time.

For a warm dry place to sleep.

For a glass of red wine.

For all this I'm thankful. Right now, today. I'm tingling with thankfulness. My eyes are brimming. Sometimes everything seems so very overwhelming and stressful. Sometimes I forget about how very lucky I am.

I feel very blessed.
Thank you, God.

Repetition

Am I repeating the same year over and over again? Second post in a week that I'm referencing a post from last year.

Last year on March 20th I posted this. I had come down with a sinus infection and very much appreciated my trip to Urgent Care.

Well, this year on March 21st I started with a little cough and a sore throat. It was difficult to lead the mostly singing liturgy at the Wednesday evening service, but it went okay. Yesterday (the 22nd) it went full blown and I came home from work - sore throat, achy body, cough. Because I have limited contact with the elderly population for these next few days I'm going to try to stick it out.

It seems I don't have to look out for the Ides of March. But 5-6 days after the Ides. Maybe it's Lent, maybe it's Spring, maybe it's a delayed reaction to turning older.

All I know is that next year for my birthday I'm asking for Vitamin C and Zinc.

GS is for Cookie

The last few years I've been amazed at the speed in which the Girl Scout cookies I've ordered have disappeared.

It would seem like I had just opened a box and it was empty.

Seriously. Like 1/2 an hour later. No more cookies.

This year I was only hit up by one girl scout. I only ordered 2 boxes from her (one of each of my favorites - S'Mores (or whatever they're called now) and Thin Mints) because I thought other badge-earners would soon be following. Alas! Only two boxes this year.

The S'Mores were gone after 3 days. I was purposely limiting myself because of the supposed scarcity of the cookies. But, then, it was at least 3 weeks before I even opened my Thin Mints. And, I only ate 2 when I first opened them (two days ago). And, I still am on the first sleeve of cookies.

I'm almost fearful that something is wrong with me. I always devour these cookies like they're good for me or something. I still like the taste, but for some reason I'm naturally limiting myself.

Scary.

Involved, Invested, Inspired...Irritated

A little over a year ago I posted this. To sum it up - it's about acting as if I was into something to be polite.

It happened again. Except, this time, I was masking some stronger feelings than boredom.

Retreats are supposed to be relaxing and inspiring. Relaxing it was, inspiring - not so much. I also went in expecting to have 2 of the other retreatants irritate me the entire time. Good news: One of them was incredibly tolerable - even enjoyable. Bad news: the other was in top form and I had to be incredibly aware of my facial expressions whenever she spoke (which was often).

But, with one exception, I think I faked my way through it. I think people will have thought that I was involved, invested, and inspired. The one exception was addressing this one irritant and a particular comment she made that was offensive to me. (She made others that were too, but this was the only one I reacted to).

Do other people just not say something? Am I hearing her completely wrong? Maybe to both.

The retreat did have some very good parts. A parishioner of mine was there. I got to spend time with the two other pastors who were there and some other people who are quite enjoyable. The sisters at the retreat center were amazing and they had a fantastic book store. I got to walk by the lake and eat good food prepared by other people. I got to be part of and lead worship that felt meaningful.

I just wish I didn't feel like I was faking it during the cheesy parts.

Cheers to me.

Last night 18 fabulous friends joined me in celebrating my 30th birthday. As someone who is habitually single, I've often hosted "gatherings" or "get-togethers" in my own honor.

I love celebrations - it's one reason I love worship (good worship that is...). And, I like to mark occasions. I notice when my odometer turns, I recognize anniversaries of various events (although, I must admit...I'm good at doing this with my own things, not others - how horribly self-involved that makes me seem).

It does feel a little odd to invite people to come and celebrate me and I hope that I am able to maneuver the line of being celebratory of me, and helping others have a good time. And it helps when I have such cool friends who enjoy getting to meet each other and can entertain themselves.

It also helps when the location is a brewery.

In my head I have this running commentary that has helped me realize that it's okay to invite people to come and celebrate me. Part of it is something my mom helped me learn - that I have high expectations for some things - that I can't always expect others to fulfill. If I don't want to be crying in my milk (or beer) about no party or no specified time to mark the occasion of entering another decade, then I should just go ahead and do something that I'll enjoy.

So, raise your glass to this blogger entering another year/another decade even.

The Paper Whole

I'm filling out the information to turn into my tax preparers. It's a nifty bit; I'm able to fill out a computer worksheet without ever printing anything.

Except I get nervous about missing something. It's so much easier for me to catch mistakes when it's printed out, so I'll probably print it out when I'm almost done anyway - just to make sure that I answered everything I was supposed to.

It's why I love books and prefer magazines and real newspapers to on-line versions. I think it has something to do with the way I learn - but what it comes down to is that I'm able to see the whole of an item at one time. I think it's that I get a sense of seeing the breadth, depth and length of what it is I'm tackling.

When it's nice and tidy on a computer screen I have no sense of any of those things.

*** OH - D and B made it safely to their friend's home in London. D didn't eat any of the plane food, but everything stayed down once they left my house. It sounded like they got some good sleep and were relaxed and ready for the rest of their adventure.***