Saturday, January 27, 2007

Grumpy Old Men

I have an affinity for grumpy old men.

I love 'em.

I don't have a specific age group in mind with "old." Some are actually rather young.

One of my favorite grumpy old men just died.

He was a member of my call committee and loved by many (including me).

He was ready and faced it bravely, making the decision to be put on palliative care himself and to eat sugar (no more Splenda) now that he didn't need to watch his diabetes.

At Christmas Eve he wasn't doing so well and came to worship in a wheelchair. Prior to this he had been quite agile and able to move around well. He had been scheduled to serve communion that night. I approached him and said that we could figure something out if he wasn't able to be a communion assistant. But, he said he wanted to serve. And so he did.

From his wheelchair he offered people the blood of Christ. For some people, that will be their last memory of him.

He was not shy about the fact that going into the interview with me he did not think a young woman could be his pastor. He was also not shy about the fact, that he was proud that they did call me.

Blessings, Grumpy Old Man. Rest in Peace.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Into the wild blue yonder

Uff da. January is tough. It was last year too. There is a lot to prepare. But, more than that, there are a lot of people who are struggling in some way or another. Just when I feel I've been present to one and they are moving forward another one comes. Only a couple are emotionally draining (those with whom I've been close prior to their hardship), but all are time draining.

I find I begin to wait for this time to be over. Something in me senses that once I get past each of these things my work will be less difficult.

There have been two situations in particular that have been difficult. Recently when talking with a friend I mentioned my involvement in my workplace as we attempt to raise and borrow money for a new heating and A/C system (and a few other things). She asked me, "How do you know what to do?" I said, I don't, I just ask people questions and then wing it.

That's what I'm doing in these other situations. I don't know what to do. But, I know I have to do something. I've asked the right people (other professionals who have been trained to deal with this sort of thing) but that doesn't mean that everything will go according to the ideal plan. In some ways it's freeing to say "I don't know what the heck I'm doing." Even if it's just to myself (and this blogging community).

I got an e-mail from a parishioner who has been involved in this heating system stuff who hear a devotion I lead last night that talked about God in the midst of chaos. He mentioned that he forgets that a lot of this is probably new for me too - that I seem so wise and capable that he forgot that this might be new territory for me.

I'm both scared by that and honored. Wow - am I so much of a non-anxious presence that when my anxiety is truly there (like when talking about taking on hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt) I don't show it? Hah! Fooled them.

Friday, January 05, 2007

Jean Therapy

After a long and exhaustive search -

hours upon hours spent,

miles upon miles trod,

stores upon stores scoured,

and failure upon failure.....

I have found store where multiple pairs of jeans fit me!

I only purchased one pair this visit....but, I will return.

(Seriously, the last pair of jeans I was really happy with were found the winter that spanned 2001-2002...and they're falling apart. I've been looking intently for 2 years - and desperately for the last year.)

Alleluia.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Sit

I'm always amazed when it seems like I do nothing whatsoever and people feel like I'm doing so much.

We are doers - so much so that it's depressing for many elderly as they become less and less able to do what they formerly did.

But, I've sat with people a lot recently. Not doing anything...because really, what could I do?

My heart is hurting for some. It's sometimes in my throat for others - or in my stomach for still others. And I can't do anything.

And that's okay.

Today, my office was a safe place to share - earlier this week I was the person who hadn't yet heard the stories a million times - this weekend I'll be one who doesn't shun one embroiled in sin.

In a common confession we confess for the things we've done and the things we've left undone. But, it's not always about doing or not doing something. Although it's not very easy, I feel privileged to do my job by just sitting with another.