Into the wild blue yonder

Uff da. January is tough. It was last year too. There is a lot to prepare. But, more than that, there are a lot of people who are struggling in some way or another. Just when I feel I've been present to one and they are moving forward another one comes. Only a couple are emotionally draining (those with whom I've been close prior to their hardship), but all are time draining.

I find I begin to wait for this time to be over. Something in me senses that once I get past each of these things my work will be less difficult.

There have been two situations in particular that have been difficult. Recently when talking with a friend I mentioned my involvement in my workplace as we attempt to raise and borrow money for a new heating and A/C system (and a few other things). She asked me, "How do you know what to do?" I said, I don't, I just ask people questions and then wing it.

That's what I'm doing in these other situations. I don't know what to do. But, I know I have to do something. I've asked the right people (other professionals who have been trained to deal with this sort of thing) but that doesn't mean that everything will go according to the ideal plan. In some ways it's freeing to say "I don't know what the heck I'm doing." Even if it's just to myself (and this blogging community).

I got an e-mail from a parishioner who has been involved in this heating system stuff who hear a devotion I lead last night that talked about God in the midst of chaos. He mentioned that he forgets that a lot of this is probably new for me too - that I seem so wise and capable that he forgot that this might be new territory for me.

I'm both scared by that and honored. Wow - am I so much of a non-anxious presence that when my anxiety is truly there (like when talking about taking on hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt) I don't show it? Hah! Fooled them.