For the first time since I started wearing contacts (periodically) again, no one at Soup Kitchen commented on whether I was wearing glasses or not.
It's because all the comments were reserved for my newly curly hair.
I don't like it, but I do understand that for some people it is their way of connecting - commenting on appearance. I (probably like most people) appreciate it when someone tells me I look nice, but when it's just general comments about my appearance - I get annoyed. (It also depends on who is saying it, and of course, how it's said.)
I watched a member make the rounds of Soup Kitchen last night and probably experience the same thing I do...she is one that makes an effort to know everyone and is amazingly caring and welcoming.
As people would walk by her (as she was talking with someone else), many would place a hand on her back or shoulder, or flip her hair. It was obviously done out of endearment...and she held her cool.
The same thing happens to me, and I sometimes have to really work to not be incredibly annoyed by it. But, what I saw last night was the beauty of people feeling connected to her. Feeling they had a friend in her. People who probably wouldn't say they have a friend in very many others.
It still is annoying - the same kind of pestering that little kids do to one another when they like each other - but, on the other hand, it's a good sign of relationship and the good work we are doing.
2 comments:
Can't have it both ways, can we?
I mix well with people, but I'm not "warm" in the way you mention.
I think that it is possible to learn to be more open and warm up and it is by making a point to notice people and speak to them, and perhaps, to compliment them on something.
When I way in my 20's, I had a roommate who told me that her mother had required her to notice and compliment at least one person each day. She learned a good habit as a result.
My own childhood introversion kept me from easily connecting with people, so I had to fight to learn that as an adult.
Good realization-
but it is hard, I know, to remember that its actually a way people connect, and not necessarily a commentary on my personal appearance.
Sigh.
We just keep navigating the maze of ministry!
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