We had our 2nd shovelable snow of the season last night. It wasn't much, but by the time I'd gotten out to remove the snow it was ice underneath and snow on top. I like shoveling - I like using my body to move things and have it be something that needs to be done. I like being out in the cold and keeping myself warm with movement.
Today I could have scraped the snow off the top and just let the ice melt itself off eventually. But, I started to get underneath it, and as time went on, with the top layer off, the second layer became easier to remove. **Warning - gross imagery ahead** It was a little like waiting for a scab to come off - for a while it's too attached, but then, one day you can peel it off because the skin beneath has healed enough. Removing the ice today was that kind of satisfying.
I have been feeling a little aimless on and off these last few months. Most of the time keeping up with the kids and feeding, cleaning, monitoring them and our home has had enough tasks. And, they are certainly important tasks, but I sometimes don't know what to do with myself. I have just enough space to want to do something, but not really enough to feel like I could dedicate enough time - or even an idea of what I might want to do or accomplish.
Perhaps this month's dedication to writing will serve a purpose - not only of putting my thoughts down, but also figuring me - as I am now and how I want to be - out.
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