My Best and Last First Date

Eleven years ago my husband and I had our first date. It was his 38th birthday. We originally met on a dating web site and had met in person the week before at a Mexican restaurant (Jose's Blue Sombrero) in Racine, WI, about ½ way in between our homes. 

For our first date we went ice skating downtown Milwaukee, went to a bar, and helped an older man who fell while trying to get home. While ice skating was dreamy, and hanging out at a bar fun, it's that act of service that sticks in my head. 

The man, perhaps in his 80s, seemed to be trying to wait for a bus or to catch a cab, but the cold wind knocked him over onto the ground. We were across the street and were able to get to him. Pablo was able to call a cab company to come and pick him up. The man seemed a little nervous with us there, so we waited in the car until we saw him get in his cab. 

As we reacted and problem solved, it felt like we were already a team. After just one date we were already being the complement to each other.

Eleven years later, as we celebrate his 49th birthday, we do so with two young kids, in the midst of a pandemic with a snowstorm approaching. Our celebration included Lou Malnati's pizza and Star Wars movie watching. And, it included each other. 

I am thankful for that day eleven years ago that was my best - and last - first date. And, I am thankful for each day, each year, each milestone I get to spend with my kind, smart, funny, handsome husband.

The President We Need Now

I am hopeful for what our new administration will bring. I am grateful that there is one layer of fear that has been removed from my daily life. While I have no misconceptions that the evil that stoked and carried out the insurrection on January 6th has been taken care of, at least that evil is not the one in charge of setting the tone, of having the nuclear codes, no longer the one that holds the highest office in our country. 

At the same time that I'm hopeful and relieved, I'm also quite certain that much will be left undone. Some of that due to the sheer enormity of a clean-up job the past occupant of the White House is leaving. Some of that due to where our once-again-baby-boomer president will land on certain issues. 

When the bishop who was part of my first call process left the synod abruptly, in the middle of his 2nd term (it was not an easy reelection), the next bishop who was called was a real, kind, comfortable pastor. He was not a mover and a shaker, regardless of how kind and keen-eyed he was (is). But after some upheaval, that seemed to be called for. The bishop currently in place is not someone I know well, but my sense is that he is willing and able to step into the role that requires both prophetic and pastoral, that brings words of challenge when necessary.

While I was fully behind Elizabeth Warren, and I would have loved Bernie's platform, I feel such relief to have competent people being placed in positions to which they will bring life and vision. In much the same way the "after-bishop" was able to draw good, strong people to work with him, I see Joe Biden as drawing on wonderful people. And, for many of them, I hope this is not the top of their careers. 

I hope President Biden is a 1-term president, not because I hope he doesn't succeed, but because I hope he succeeds amazingly and that part of that success is lifting up new leadership who can carry on guiding the ship that he has already begun to right. I hope that this term leads to a new, progressive, (non-baby-boomer) president. 

A year ago I wouldn't have been where I am not, but I am SO GLAD that President Biden is who was elected. That we are where we are now.

Hope in Images, Oaths, Words

Today was hope filled.

Gabriel and I watched much of the inauguration this morning, including both the Vice President and the President take their oaths of office. The mere presence of many of the people up on that stage made me tear up. That the pledge of allegiance was signed, that a baby was being a noisy baby during the president's oath taking, that Eugene Goodman, one of the heroes from the insurrection on January 6th, was on security for the vice president. The joy and soul the our VPOTUS and POTUS exuded. The well-done speech of President Joe Biden. The first woman, first black, first Indian-American Vice President. All filled me with hope.

But, it was the poet, Amanda Gorman, and her poem "The Hill We Climb" that really keeps hitting me with emotion - of relief - of hope - of resolve.

When day comes we ask ourselves,
where can we find light in this never-ending shade?
The loss we carry,
a sea we must wade
We've braved the belly of the beast
We've learned that quiet isn't always peace
And the norms and notions
of what just is
Isn’t always just-ice
And yet the dawn is ours
before we knew it
Somehow we do it
Somehow we've weathered and witnessed
a nation that isn’t broken
but simply unfinished
We the successors of a country and a time
Where a skinny Black girl
descended from slaves and raised by a single mother
can dream of becoming president
only to find herself reciting for one
And yes we are far from polished
far from pristine
but that doesn’t mean we are
striving to form a union that is perfect
We are striving to forge a union with purpose
To compose a country committed to all cultures, colors, characters and
conditions of man
And so we lift our gazes not to what stands between us
but what stands before us
We close the divide because we know, to put our future first,
we must first put our differences aside
We lay down our arms
so we can reach out our arms
to one another
We seek harm to none and harmony for all
Let the globe, if nothing else, say this is true:
That even as we grieved, we grew
That even as we hurt, we hoped
That even as we tired, we tried
That we’ll forever be tied together, victorious
Not because we will never again know defeat
but because we will never again sow division
Scripture tells us to envision
that everyone shall sit under their own vine and fig tree
And no one shall make them afraid
If we’re to live up to our own time
Then victory won’t lie in the blade
But in all the bridges we’ve made
That is the promise to glade
The hill we climb
If only we dare
It's because being American is more than a pride we inherit,
it’s the past we step into
and how we repair it
We’ve seen a force that would shatter our nation
rather than share it
Would destroy our country if it meant delaying democracy
And this effort very nearly succeeded
But while democracy can be periodically delayed
it can never be permanently defeated
In this truth
in this faith we trust
For while we have our eyes on the future
history has its eyes on us
This is the era of just redemption
We feared at its inception
We did not feel prepared to be the heirs
of such a terrifying hour
but within it we found the power
to author a new chapter
To offer hope and laughter to ourselves
So while once we asked,
how could we possibly prevail over catastrophe?
Now we assert
How could catastrophe possibly prevail over us?
We will not march back to what was
but move to what shall be
A country that is bruised but whole,
benevolent but bold,
fierce and free
We will not be turned around
or interrupted by intimidation
because we know our inaction and inertia
will be the inheritance of the next generation
Our blunders become their burdens
But one thing is certain:
If we merge mercy with might,
and might with right,
then love becomes our legacy
and change our children’s birthright
So let us leave behind a country
better than the one we were left with
Every breath from my bronze-pounded chest,
we will raise this wounded world into a wondrous one
We will rise from the gold-limbed hills of the west,
we will rise from the windswept northeast
where our forefathers first realized revolution
We will rise from the lake-rimmed cities of the midwestern states,
we will rise from the sunbaked south
We will rebuild, reconcile and recover
and every known nook of our nation and
every corner called our country,
our people diverse and beautiful will emerge,
battered and beautiful
When day comes we step out of the shade,
aflame and unafraid
The new dawn blooms as we free it
For there is always light,
if only we’re brave enough to see it
If only we’re brave enough to be it

Inauguration Eve

Four years ago, tomorrow's date of 1/20/2021 seemed so far away. I watched some of the Inauguration of our 45th President and knew that it was not a great day for our country, but I could not have imagined just how much evil could be done.

I don't need to list the atrocities this president has allowed and made happen. Many, likely done to promote himself or his label. Many to benefit himself or his family financially. Some, done because others said it was what his base wanted. Lives torn apart. The poisoning of our earth further hastened. A bitter divide increased. I believe that he will be known as the worst United States President in our history.

And so, it is with no small relief and joy that I get ready for tomorrow. I do not suppose for a second that our 46th President will solve everything or will not at times disappoint or even anger me with some decisions. But, I trust that he will lead with an eye for the entire country. That he has been and will continue to listen to others and will surround himself not with "yes" men and women, but with those who will work with and challenge him to best serve our country.

I am a little nervous about what will happen tomorrow. I worry for safety of those involved in the inauguration. I worry about the reaction that might reverberate throughout our country - in capitols and cities. 

My day tomorrow isn't too different than any other. But, I will raise a glass tomorrow night to our new, moral, team-player of a POTUS.

Transmitted Traits

Gabriel has always been an early riser. And, since he's been able to get out of his own bed, has been a cheerful one. Once he's gotten me up, he will often cheerfully chat with excitement and giggles as I grunt and try to wake up. If I'm reading while he is watching tv or playing a video game, he doesn't notice, and will often talk through whatever it is he's supposedly watching.

It's those times that I feel like I can finally see my mom when I was a kid. The hopping out of bed, the mindless (and sometimes seemingly endless) chatter, the interrupting without thought to what the other was concentrating on - all things that I did as a kid - at least through middle school. And my mom trying - and almost always succeeding to be patient. To answer. To put her finger in her spot on the crossword puzzle she was working on and look up at me as I chattered. 

And, I also see me when I was a kid. An eagerness to get moving with the day - even if it's to go sit and play games (or in my case, read). A curiosity and good-naturedness that sometimes start to wane at night, but almost always pop up fresh again in the morning.

He may look exactly like his dad, but I'm in there too.

It feels a little surprising to me that these personality traits are such a mirror to how I believe I was as a kid. My dad is similar - although I'm not sure that I realized I was like him in that way when I was younger. And, I certainly do not hop out of bed with energy now (although I hope that some eagerness, curiosity and good-naturedness do show up now and again). 

And, I won't despair if he loses some of that eagerness for a bit - I know I could be a moody teenager and too cool for my family. But, I hope that even if that is the case with Gabriel, each morning still brings curiosity and a fresh start.

Get Out of the House

What have you done to get out of the house? Today we got to go to a kid's play place/gym that is offering 2 hours of play for a family unit by themselves. It is definitely worth the $30 we pay to go and play with basketball, soccer, make our own obstacle courses, and play with their imaginative play toys. 

My guys playing with the foam bricks and boards.

The owner is also a father to 3 young kids and he asked at one point what we did to get out of the house. Everything we do that gets us out of the house is either outdoors or in our car. Part of the amazingness of this place is that we feel absolutely safe for these 2 hours to let our kids play and explore inside someplace that is not our home.

We do make an effort to get out of the house. In my head I'm trying to do it every day, but it doesn't always happen. I am thankful for the snow that has arrived these last few days - even the dusting that came overnight. That snow makes going outside just a little more exciting.

At the End of 2020

Our New Year's Eve is not all that different than it would have been if COVID precautions weren't part of our lives. (I'm sitting here writing at 9:30 at night...really just a night like almost any night).

We had appetizers for supper and ate at the kitchen island instead of the dinner table.We started to work on a time capsule, and wore party hats and 2021 glasses and found a kid-friendly countdown. All-in-all, it was a nice time - a little different than our day-to-day. But, nothing remarkable.

Earlier today, however, we did have a fun time. A neighbor friend (Dea) and I decided to put together a Noon Year's Eve party for kids at our playground. I think there were 10 kids with their adults - and a few other adults as well. We made egg shakers for our noise makers as well as some other crafts - and did a countdown at noon (actually at 12:01 and 15 seconds) and threw popcorn in the air. Kids played. Adults talked. There was was mishap with kids sledding, but everyone was okay in the end.

Today might actually mirror the entirety of 2020. A lot of family time spent at home. A little excitement and figuring out ways to have fun and be community in safe, Covid-friendly ways. A little fear (during the sledding mishap). Some attempt to create meaningful ways to mark time and transitions even if they feel to me like they fall a little flat. And, a lot of cleaning. 

I do not think I'll look back at this year and think it was horrible. There have certainly been some shifts in life. Issues I am thinking about now are not at all what I thought I'd be thinking about a year ago. There has been some good work begun on things I care about - and much more to do. I've gotten more organized in some ways at home. I've gotten more proficient in my cooking (even if one kid won't eat anything). I've done pretty well at developing and sticking to regular exercise. I've read a lot. 

Overall, I have much to be thankful for from this past year. I bless it and am glad to move forward into 2021.

Follow Ups

Both Gabriel's kindergarten introduction and my mom's appointment with the neurologist went well. Nothing huge at this time with Gabriel. We are preparing for eLearning. We ordered a kid's table and chair to use as a desk for him. We are meeting one of his classmates for the first time at the park tomorrow. All will be well. It will be different, but not to him. It will be something that he and his classmates will always be able to gage time with - how they began their schooling differently than most.

My mom's appointment brought some encouraging news - that perhaps she doesn't have Alzheimer's, but aphasia. I don't really know what that means. I'm not sure my parents are altogether sure either. But, they were given some homework (foods to eat, exercise to do, games to play), which feels more hopeful than simply taking a pill.

This new normal is going to take some care - some intentionality of paying attention both to the social aspect of Kindergarten for Gabriel, and of the ways I'm might be able to support my parents from afar. 

A Turning of the Tide Or the Eye of the Storm?

"I don't want to jinx it, but your boys are really well behaved." Said the nurse in the exam room yesterday. For the first time in our almost-5 years of seeing him, our doctor was running behind schedule. We were there after preschool - over the lunch hour - with both boys for the doctor to look at a rash on David (not a major concern, with nothing to do for it...but now we know).

The kids did do a very good job in the waiting room and in the exam room and as we went to get water between seeing the nurse and the doctor coming in (because David kept asking for it mostly because he just likes to operate the water cooler - but the nurse just thought he was thirsty). They were curious, and asked questions. They laughed when the nurse called David "sir" and when the doctor made funny noises. David let the pokes and prods of an appointment happen without a fuss.

We had some water spills, and at the end we had a pretty big bathroom mishap (though he was sitting on the toilet, none of the pee went in the toilet...and he was carried out with my shirt around his waist). But, the nurse was right. They were well-behaved. At a time I didn't really expect them to be.

This has been happening more and more, lately. Not quite so much that I count on it. But with enough regularity that I don't think it's a fluke. It is getting easier to parent these two rambunctious kiddos. Easier at least for a little bit...

Antidote

Yesterday was a lovely day (despite the stresses of work and world), in which I got to go to the Museum of Science and Industry with my 2 kids. They explored, they got their hands on different things (appropriately), they let me lead them to places they hadn't been before. We had a wonderful couple hours (that were also free except for parking)!

After the museum, we met up with my cousin Karin, who has a special relationship with my kids. I'm glad to have time with her too, but it was a particular blessing that she moved here to start classes at the same time I went back to work and was able to watch my kids one day a week for the first six months. I miss seeing her regularly, but both kids seem to easily fall back into trusting and loving her. As I think anyone would.

I get Thursdays alone with my kids this year. No appointments, no classes. No responsibilities to others. It's also the last year that both boys will not be in 5-day-a-week (full day!) school. So, I'm trying to get out and do things that are bit more far-flung or time consuming. Last week we went raspberry picking and then to a playground. I should maybe make a list of adventures so that we can keep it up.

Wrapping Up (and Reading)

Have I missed anything? Probably. There are many other things for which I am thankful.

This month it often felt like a task to write and explain each topic of thankfulness. I am glad that I've done it - and I may very well do it again. There were even times during this month that I wondered if I would continue to do this into Advent/December/maybe more. But, while I'd like to try to post more frequently - working out what I'm thinking- I don't think I'll do it with an extended theme regularly.

I would much rather spend my time reading than writing. I love stories - especially stories that invite me to use my imagination or that I can get into a new world for an extended period of time. I'm thankful for books, whether paper or electronic, and for the times I'm able to squeeze some reading into my life.

Mom and Dad

For November 29th, 2018

My parents are coming for the weekend to celebrate the kids' birthdays. And, it's recently been decided that they are going to come for Christmas too! I am so excited for both of these visits. While there are always challenges to more bodies in a small space, I am always thankful for the times my parents are able to come and be with us.

I'm also thankful for the ways in which our relationship has evolved. There are still times when, at my request, they offer opinions, suggestions and help. But, they are careful in how they parent at this time in our lives. They may ask a question, but with little intention of directing my actions. I know I am not so pure of intention with all of my questions, but they sure seem to be. The still parent when called upon, but mostly just love and care.

The last few years have been difficult to have much of any adult conversation with them. Really, it's been difficult to have any kind of adult conversation with anyone. I often don't know what's going on in their lives and don't have a lot to share with them other than kid-related things. There are times, though, when we're able to get into some of those deeper conversations - and those conversations with these particular people help me see myself better - and to be grounded.

I am always thankful for my parents.

Eye Crinkles

Yesterday I noticed I have eye crinkles - aka smile wrinkles fanning out from the corner of one's eye. I'm not actually sure how long I have had them, but I definitely have them now.

I remember noticing certain people's eye crinkles when I was younger - and loving them. Loving that it meant the person had smiled and laughed (or maybe just squinted a lot). I wanted to have some too.

And now I do. And, I'm glad (and thankful).

Laurie Berkner

When I knew I was pregnant I went searching for new kids music to play and sing and dance with my kids. I didn't really find anything new - or danceable. The words I used to search were probably off. Anyway, somehow in the last 4 years I heard a musician named Laurie Berkner - and in this last year especially my kids cannot get enough of her.

There are some songs that both boys sing along to (David with sounds, Gabriel with words). We searched out a timpani earlier in the year because one is used in one of her songs. One of her songs begins with a countdown: 5...4...3, 2, 1 - Blast Off - which I often use to get my kids moving.

I can only handle so much of most kids music, but her music is fun and peppy and easy to listen to for hours on end. She plays a kid show at Ravinia each year, and we got to go this year. It was well worth it and I'm betting we'll go again.

I recently bought her Christmas album from about 5 years ago. One of the songs sings, "Christmas is coming..." It was on and Gabriel was singing it as we started up the stairs to get ready for bed. He excitedly turns to me and yells - "THIS SONG IS RIGHT! CHRISTMAS IS COMING!"

I am thankful for Laurie Berkner.

Snow Day

Today is a SNOW DAY!

Because of a restless kiddo, I only slept until 3:30. Lately I've had a difficult time falling back to sleep afterwards. This time, at least part of the reason why I was too restless to fall asleep again was because of my excitement about the snow.

Now it's pretty gusty out - and there are blizzard warnings (which I'm pretty sure is why the schools ended up closing), but I'm still going to try to get us all bundled up after breakfast to go out and play. And maybe again later in the day too.

I also have a couple of craft ideas for us to work on as well.
We have been home for the last 4 days for Thanksgiving, but for some reason I'm not feeling like we're going to struggle with being home for another day. I'm looking forward to the adventure of today. And, for that, I am thankful.

Sundays Off

One of the perks of my current gig is that I get one Sunday off a month. Often this Sunday has gotten used for traveling or an event, but sometimes (like today) it will allow me to worship with my family.

Neither of my kids are very easy to handle in worship. And, as previously mentioned, Pablo superhumanly does it himself a couple times a month. I like these opportunities for us to be one-on-one with our kids and for me to get to help one pay attention (often I have Gabriel), whispering what is going on up front. 

Plus, it gives me the opportunity to hear another preacher - to hear the words of institution spoken for me. For these moments, I am thankful.

Spontaneity

For November 24th

My life has not had a lot of room lately for spontaneity. The extent has been with Gabriel has suggested we stop at a park or when I've decided we should head somewhere after naps for about an hour.

Yesterday, an acquaintance who I run into more than others, posted in a group wondering if anyone could meet up for lunch or dinner and because I was trying to plan a solo Target trip, I was able to make it happen. It was a lovely conversation and nice time away.

Today (and yesterday), I'm thankful for the growing ability to be spontaneous. Something that having children (especially children with food allergies) makes less easy.

Siblings and Their Families

While distance separates me from my siblings - and I see them only a couple times a year, I am so thankful for the relationship we have grown into as adults. And, I am thankful for their significant others and for my nephew.

I'm looking forward to seeing my sister and nephew, along with my parents, in just a week! They will get to come for our boys' birthday party and spend the weekend. We got to spend time with my brother and sister-in-law in California in October. And, we will all gather together sometime after Christmas (exactly when has yet to be determined).

My siblings are now, especially, two of the people who I know will almost always understand me when I need to talk through something. They are thoughtful, generous and fun. They each are very in touch with their emotions, and are able to acknowledge them and talk through them when it's helpful.

I do really wish we lived closer to each other and could see each other more - maybe even get together just the three of us from time to time. But, for now - we relish the time we do have together and send lots of messages and videos to keep us in tough.

Thanksgiving Traditions

On this, the day of Thanksgiving, my idea for a post I'd like to write feels complicated. Both because it's not completely clear about what it is I'm thankful for and also because my emotions are not completely clear.

Holidays and the meals/events that go with them have felt tough since joining my life with another person. They feel tough because I'd like to continue some of my own traditions, adopt some of his and to make some traditions together. And, I think we're likely doing that. So, for that I can be thankful.

What feels hard is that every family gathering that happens on the actual holiday is spent in what feels like someone else's traditions. We spend almost every holiday with his family - and understandably, they aren't trying to combine traditions with anyone else's - they're just doing what they always do.

And so, even when my family (me) hosts, the practices and traditions (even as simple as how you fill your plate with food) feel like they have to be fought for. So, my writing today is complicated. I guess I'm complaining that I don't get to celebrate the actual holiday with the warm feelings I'd like to. It feels like a negotiation - in which I'm the only one really trying to negotiate.

But, I am thankful at the same time. I'm thankful that together Pablo and I are creating traditions within our own family. I'm thankful for the traditions I have had growing up that I remember fondly and want to emulate. I'm thankful that we do have people close by with which we continue traditions - even if they are not my own.

Cooking

A reflection for Wednesday, November 21st.

I missed writing yesterday because, among other things, I was preparing for hosting Thanksgiving dinner. When I wasn't directly interacting with my kids, I was plodding away at steps to put together Thanksgiving dinner for 7 adults and 2 kids. I enjoy all of this planning, shopping, and the art of cooking.

I mostly follow recipes - and am often trying new ones. But, as our family's allergy needs and palates have changed, I've developed a number of "go-to" recipes that I don't need to do as much studying to prepare for. Sometimes I can even be at the grocery store, think about possibly making a particular dish, and pick up everything I need for it without the recipe or a list.

It has taken me a while to feel comfortable with cooking - even though I've wanted to be good at it and comfortable with it. I still have regular misses. But, as I expand my menu I've had more hits.

I should also note, I am grateful that we have food readily accessible and that, with the allergies we have, we are able to afford the more-expensive alternatives that allow for pretty equivalent substitution.

As I write this, I realize I would name cooking as a hobby. And, for a hobby that I enjoy and that helps me feed my family, I am thankful.