February's Resolution Begins

As we ease into February, my monthly resolution switches from writing frequently to logging my food intake. More than anything I just want to be more mindful of what I'm putting into my mouth. Today, on day 1, I stopped myself from eating oreos, chips, and a 3rd rice krispie treat (after the 2 I ate) when I didn't really even want food - I just wanted sugar or salt or to be chewing something. 

It's 7:45, and to be honest, the hardest time for me is from when I start cooking supper until I'm upstairs for the night. And, when I have a drink I'm even less likely to stop myself from indulging in sweets and salty unnecessary treats. So, the logging of food is not even so much to keep to a particular calorie count, although the app I use does do that. But more so to be more mindful of what I'm putting in my body.

OTC Relief

Over the summer months I noticed that I consistently woke up with a sore throat. It started during my main allergy season, and even though I took Zyrtec each night, it was there most mornings. Into the fall and winter, it continued - sometimes sorer, sometimes not as much, but always there. 

I also started to develop some heartburn and acid reflux more frequently. For the first time I bought something other than Tums - and it certainly helped.

At my yearly doctor's appointment in December, I noted these things to the my provider, and she had me try two different types of over the counter medicines and both of my problems seems to be resolved. The acid reflux fix was a 2-week course of 1 pill/day. The allergy fix is a nasal spray. 

There are so many options out there, and I rarely look beyond what I'm already using. I'm often uneasy about trying something new - between my own allergies and side effects I just prefer to have what I've already tried. Plus, I rarely feel like things are slowing me down.

But, after having these things resolved, I have to say that not having to worry about that sore throat, or to feel discomfort after eating something spicy is such a relief.

Transmitted Traits

Gabriel has always been an early riser. And, since he's been able to get out of his own bed, has been a cheerful one. Once he's gotten me up, he will often cheerfully chat with excitement and giggles as I grunt and try to wake up. If I'm reading while he is watching tv or playing a video game, he doesn't notice, and will often talk through whatever it is he's supposedly watching.

It's those times that I feel like I can finally see my mom when I was a kid. The hopping out of bed, the mindless (and sometimes seemingly endless) chatter, the interrupting without thought to what the other was concentrating on - all things that I did as a kid - at least through middle school. And my mom trying - and almost always succeeding to be patient. To answer. To put her finger in her spot on the crossword puzzle she was working on and look up at me as I chattered. 

And, I also see me when I was a kid. An eagerness to get moving with the day - even if it's to go sit and play games (or in my case, read). A curiosity and good-naturedness that sometimes start to wane at night, but almost always pop up fresh again in the morning.

He may look exactly like his dad, but I'm in there too.

It feels a little surprising to me that these personality traits are such a mirror to how I believe I was as a kid. My dad is similar - although I'm not sure that I realized I was like him in that way when I was younger. And, I certainly do not hop out of bed with energy now (although I hope that some eagerness, curiosity and good-naturedness do show up now and again). 

And, I won't despair if he loses some of that eagerness for a bit - I know I could be a moody teenager and too cool for my family. But, I hope that even if that is the case with Gabriel, each morning still brings curiosity and a fresh start.

Chicken Pox Antibodies

During my pregnancy with my first kid, blood tests (the titer test) showed that I did not have the antibodies for the chicken pox virus. It was not a vaccine one should get when pregnant, and I wanted to wait to get it until my first had gotten his vaccine, so shortly after he turned 1 I got my first of 2 vaccines to inoculate me from chicken pox.

The thing is, I had chicken pox as a kid - twice. Neither time was very strong. And I don't really remember having it, although I do remember each of my siblings having it. 

I think about this as I think about antibodies and vaccines and how there will always be some exceptions to the rules. Why do some people carry the coronavirus but not show symptoms? Why have there been a few (rare) cases of people getting COVID-19 twice within a short time people? There are likely some answers out there, but there is so much unknown. 

When I learned I didn't have the antibodies for chicken pox I asked my doctor and the person who gave me the vaccine how it could be that I needed to get it. Neither seemed to have a clear answer, but they also didn't seem surprised. Chicken pox has been a known entity for a long time and there is still mystery to it.

I should mention that none of my writing or speculation is backed up my any science. It's simply me pondering and trying to make sense. 

Next Stages of Life

Tomorrow my family has two vastly different assessments. Well, three if you count that someone is coming to measure our windows for the whole-house replacement for which we've already signed the papers.

Tomorrow I bring Gabriel into his elementary school for the first time. The purpose is for an assessment that the kindergarten teachers do in order to help them balance their classrooms well. My understanding is that I will wait somewhere while he will go with one of the teachers to a classroom. There are, of course, Covid protocols of masks and distance and disinfecting that will be in place. But, this is the first time we are stepping into the school. The first real step of Gabriel representing himself without me. I'm proud of him. I'm excited for him. 

Tomorrow, my mom and dad go to meet with a neurologist. Mom has had symptoms - and then appointments and tests that indicate that she is in an early stage of Alzheimer's disease. I've known - ministered - to people with Alzheimer's, of course. But I haven't really studied it - or known much about it other than how I've related to those I served. It's now very personal and while I want to know more, I'm struggling to read either of the books I've gotten or to spend any time learning more. I will as it all sinks in.

Both Gabriel entering school (especially since we're beginning with eLearning) and Mom's diagnosis are at the very beginning of these next stages. And, I begin my time as part of the sandwich generation. Each will need me to slowly change the way I relate to them. Gabriel, as he gains more independence. Mom, as she loses some. Gabriel will need me differently - and I will need to figure out how to need my mom differently too. 

A Turning of the Tide Or the Eye of the Storm?

"I don't want to jinx it, but your boys are really well behaved." Said the nurse in the exam room yesterday. For the first time in our almost-5 years of seeing him, our doctor was running behind schedule. We were there after preschool - over the lunch hour - with both boys for the doctor to look at a rash on David (not a major concern, with nothing to do for it...but now we know).

The kids did do a very good job in the waiting room and in the exam room and as we went to get water between seeing the nurse and the doctor coming in (because David kept asking for it mostly because he just likes to operate the water cooler - but the nurse just thought he was thirsty). They were curious, and asked questions. They laughed when the nurse called David "sir" and when the doctor made funny noises. David let the pokes and prods of an appointment happen without a fuss.

We had some water spills, and at the end we had a pretty big bathroom mishap (though he was sitting on the toilet, none of the pee went in the toilet...and he was carried out with my shirt around his waist). But, the nurse was right. They were well-behaved. At a time I didn't really expect them to be.

This has been happening more and more, lately. Not quite so much that I count on it. But with enough regularity that I don't think it's a fluke. It is getting easier to parent these two rambunctious kiddos. Easier at least for a little bit...

An Extension of Themselves

David, 2 ½, wants us to hold his arm while he eats and goes to sleep. He says "open/close" to indicate what we should do with our hand on his arm and often does that a number of times before relaxing into it. It's endearing and frustrating all at the same time. Sometimes it's pretty uncomfortable, especially when my arm is through his crib slats and I'm laying on the floor. Often, as I eat, I need to take my hand away for a moment, saying "I need two hands." He usually complains the entire time.

And, I am reminded that while my body continues to be my own, part of this role of motherhood - at least that way I am navigating it - includes allowing my body to be someone else's comfort. Allowing my kids to sit on me, hold onto me, snuggle into me, use my body as an extension of themselves.

I sometimes set my boundaries and say - "this is my body part." And when I do that I realize a bit of how this time of my body being theirs is actually pretty short. This time of them wanting to be right on top of me - or the natural way they grab my hand as we walk someplace - will likely only continue for a small portion of their lives. Sometimes I'm grateful that my body will one day again only be my own. And sometimes it feels sad to consider it.