February's Resolution Begins

As we ease into February, my monthly resolution switches from writing frequently to logging my food intake. More than anything I just want to be more mindful of what I'm putting into my mouth. Today, on day 1, I stopped myself from eating oreos, chips, and a 3rd rice krispie treat (after the 2 I ate) when I didn't really even want food - I just wanted sugar or salt or to be chewing something. 

It's 7:45, and to be honest, the hardest time for me is from when I start cooking supper until I'm upstairs for the night. And, when I have a drink I'm even less likely to stop myself from indulging in sweets and salty unnecessary treats. So, the logging of food is not even so much to keep to a particular calorie count, although the app I use does do that. But more so to be more mindful of what I'm putting in my body.

Deep Thoughts By David

David, who is 4, has been showing signs of incredibly deep thoughts in the last half year or so. A few months ago he all of a sudden realized that people die (likely nudged into that discovery since both Pablo and I had uncles die in the last year). One day, seemingly out of the blue, David looked at me with seriousness and a little bit of panic and said "I don't want you to die." 

In talking about death we've danced over that line of assurance and not making promises you can't keep. We've talked about that we're healthy. We work to be and stay healthy. We don't have any reason to believe that we will be dying soon. We've also talked a little about the fact that everything dies. That it's part of living. That we are sad, but that at some point it is just time for our bodies to be done. And, we've talked about God being with us all the time - even and especially when and after we die. That we are never alone. That we are with God forever.

David still makes us promise that we we try really hard not to die, even when we're really old. And we say we will try really hard not to die.

This kid is thinking. He's sometimes aware of things going on around him that surprise me. And sometimes he is not at all. We were having an especially hard week and I complained to another mom in at preschool pick up as we walked to our cars. As I got into the car I realized David probably heard every single thing. When we got home I said to him, "David, I am sorry. I was complaining to Spencer's mom about things that feel hard about being a mom. I shouldn't have done that. His quick response, "That's okay. I didn't hear it." And he ran off to play.

OTC Relief

Over the summer months I noticed that I consistently woke up with a sore throat. It started during my main allergy season, and even though I took Zyrtec each night, it was there most mornings. Into the fall and winter, it continued - sometimes sorer, sometimes not as much, but always there. 

I also started to develop some heartburn and acid reflux more frequently. For the first time I bought something other than Tums - and it certainly helped.

At my yearly doctor's appointment in December, I noted these things to the my provider, and she had me try two different types of over the counter medicines and both of my problems seems to be resolved. The acid reflux fix was a 2-week course of 1 pill/day. The allergy fix is a nasal spray. 

There are so many options out there, and I rarely look beyond what I'm already using. I'm often uneasy about trying something new - between my own allergies and side effects I just prefer to have what I've already tried. Plus, I rarely feel like things are slowing me down.

But, after having these things resolved, I have to say that not having to worry about that sore throat, or to feel discomfort after eating something spicy is such a relief.

Yet Again, Aware of My Privilege

I had the conversation with the Senior Pastor today and it went very well. At one point, prior to actually talking about the specifics of how I was wanting to be involved we were just talking about the state of the world, and he said something along the lines of "You don't want to have to think about what could happen in this next week, but you also have to be prepared." He was, in particular thinking about what happens for the church if internet or banking are challenged, but I shared that I was also mindful of trying to be prepared in case it's not a good idea to leave the house for a little bit.

I truly don't think it will come to that, but it also does cross my mind. Between unrest around our country, and a new, more contagious variant of the Coronavirus, I'm really wondering about if we should make any preparations or changes to how we are currently navigating life.

And again I realize how very privileged I am to be sitting here, very comfortably, able to isolate myself and my family and not worry about how we're going to put food on the table or keep our kids safe.

Plodding to Nowhere

Since Octoberish I have been walking twice a week with a neighbor friend. We meet at 6:15 or 6:30 and walk for about ½ an hour, so both of us arrive home with enough time for our spouses to get to work. This week, she has been out of town - and when she returns we will keep some distance for a little bit, so I'm trying to plod away on the treadmill in the basement.

On Monday, I got a decent sweaty walk in - although I had to hop on and off every so often because the kids needed something. On Wednesday, David was mostly interested in causing trouble, so I got some steps in, but it was not the workout I wanted. Today, I got up early - and though I got up at my regular walking time, it took me longer to get going. I had to end at 7 so Pablo could work, but I did get my heart going for 20 minutes at least.

This used to be the main exercise I got. It's why I had a pop-up gym membership - to walk/run on the treadmill. I'd watch tv and be able to zone out for half an hour. Now, I'm either jumping off to respond to kids or half asleep. Still, it's better than nothing. Maybe I'll be able to get out during daylight hours this weekend at sometime.

Picture taken in response to my sister's gorgeous cross country skiing pictures.

Chicken Pox Antibodies

During my pregnancy with my first kid, blood tests (the titer test) showed that I did not have the antibodies for the chicken pox virus. It was not a vaccine one should get when pregnant, and I wanted to wait to get it until my first had gotten his vaccine, so shortly after he turned 1 I got my first of 2 vaccines to inoculate me from chicken pox.

The thing is, I had chicken pox as a kid - twice. Neither time was very strong. And I don't really remember having it, although I do remember each of my siblings having it. 

I think about this as I think about antibodies and vaccines and how there will always be some exceptions to the rules. Why do some people carry the coronavirus but not show symptoms? Why have there been a few (rare) cases of people getting COVID-19 twice within a short time people? There are likely some answers out there, but there is so much unknown. 

When I learned I didn't have the antibodies for chicken pox I asked my doctor and the person who gave me the vaccine how it could be that I needed to get it. Neither seemed to have a clear answer, but they also didn't seem surprised. Chicken pox has been a known entity for a long time and there is still mystery to it.

I should mention that none of my writing or speculation is backed up my any science. It's simply me pondering and trying to make sense. 

2021 New Year's Resolutions

Happy New Year!

Last year, a friend shared that she was doing monthly New Year's Resolutions and was asking for more ideas. I followed suite, and did okay at attempting or completing my resolutions, though not always in the correct month. I still have not attempted to make a pie crust, however.

In 2021 I resolve to:

Read 1 book/week for the year. I had this resolution last year, and if you count children's chapter books I made it. But, I don't really want to count Captain Underpants books...so without children's chapter books I'm logging in at 48. I have 3 half-way read books that I will add to 2021's list when I finish.

January: Write 5 days a week. I had a similar resolution two months last year. In June, I wrote more than usual, but less than my goal. By November I wasn't looking at my monthly resolutions, so I completely forgot it.

February: Log my food intake 6 days a week. I do pretty well at eating judiciously from April until October. Then birthdays and holidays get me all mixed up. I'm not as interested in counting calories as being mindful of how many cookies and chips I eat in a day.

March: Make picture books for David's 1st and 2nd years of life. Classic first child/second child situation here. Gabriel's baby books were not only created and printed, but sent to relatives as well. David does actually have pictures taken of him (thank you, iPhone), but I want to have something for him to page through.

April: Go through boxes of books and papers in the basement. This could be a monthly thing. But, I'll just focus on one month.

May: Write to 20 friends/family. I had a similar resolution for February of last year. It made me really happy. Hopefully it brightened other people's days too.

June: Read a new genre to me. Last year, when this monthly resolution came around, I had already been reading a lot more about black history and politics. It wasn't exactly a new genre so much as going deeper. This year, I will look for something that is a history or international politics or topic-to-learn book.

July: One-on-one time with each family member. Really, this should be every month. And, I do try. But, it helps to have it be a resolution at at time when there's less going on in our lives.

August: Look into and book a class for me. Cooking? Spanish? Coding? I don't know what I'll do, but I'd like to do something.

September: ? I'm still thinking here.

October: Write something each day. A personal e-mail to someone, an inquiry about a local problem, blog, letters or cards, private journal, or...

November: Order Christmas cards. Completed this resolution in 2020 as well. Made me feel incredibly ahead of schedule.

December: Finish up 2021 and plan 2022 New Year's Resolutions.

I look forward to seeing how I do, and figuring out September.

Follow Ups

Both Gabriel's kindergarten introduction and my mom's appointment with the neurologist went well. Nothing huge at this time with Gabriel. We are preparing for eLearning. We ordered a kid's table and chair to use as a desk for him. We are meeting one of his classmates for the first time at the park tomorrow. All will be well. It will be different, but not to him. It will be something that he and his classmates will always be able to gage time with - how they began their schooling differently than most.

My mom's appointment brought some encouraging news - that perhaps she doesn't have Alzheimer's, but aphasia. I don't really know what that means. I'm not sure my parents are altogether sure either. But, they were given some homework (foods to eat, exercise to do, games to play), which feels more hopeful than simply taking a pill.

This new normal is going to take some care - some intentionality of paying attention both to the social aspect of Kindergarten for Gabriel, and of the ways I'm might be able to support my parents from afar. 

Next Stages of Life

Tomorrow my family has two vastly different assessments. Well, three if you count that someone is coming to measure our windows for the whole-house replacement for which we've already signed the papers.

Tomorrow I bring Gabriel into his elementary school for the first time. The purpose is for an assessment that the kindergarten teachers do in order to help them balance their classrooms well. My understanding is that I will wait somewhere while he will go with one of the teachers to a classroom. There are, of course, Covid protocols of masks and distance and disinfecting that will be in place. But, this is the first time we are stepping into the school. The first real step of Gabriel representing himself without me. I'm proud of him. I'm excited for him. 

Tomorrow, my mom and dad go to meet with a neurologist. Mom has had symptoms - and then appointments and tests that indicate that she is in an early stage of Alzheimer's disease. I've known - ministered - to people with Alzheimer's, of course. But I haven't really studied it - or known much about it other than how I've related to those I served. It's now very personal and while I want to know more, I'm struggling to read either of the books I've gotten or to spend any time learning more. I will as it all sinks in.

Both Gabriel entering school (especially since we're beginning with eLearning) and Mom's diagnosis are at the very beginning of these next stages. And, I begin my time as part of the sandwich generation. Each will need me to slowly change the way I relate to them. Gabriel, as he gains more independence. Mom, as she loses some. Gabriel will need me differently - and I will need to figure out how to need my mom differently too. 

Risk Tolerance, COVID edition

We're at that point of social distancing where we're trying to figure out what our risk tolerance is. We saw my in-laws yesterday. They had not even gotten groceries as they were preparing for our visit. We had done pick-up where someone put it in our trunk (as noted in the previous blog post). But, we also had not gotten close to anyone.

But now we're eager - and cautious - to see other people. I'm especially eager to get the kids together with a few friends. And we're finding that we don't always have the same risk tolerance. It's taking a lot of communication. Some concessions. Some rethinking. 

And, as always it is a balance.

A Turning of the Tide Or the Eye of the Storm?

"I don't want to jinx it, but your boys are really well behaved." Said the nurse in the exam room yesterday. For the first time in our almost-5 years of seeing him, our doctor was running behind schedule. We were there after preschool - over the lunch hour - with both boys for the doctor to look at a rash on David (not a major concern, with nothing to do for it...but now we know).

The kids did do a very good job in the waiting room and in the exam room and as we went to get water between seeing the nurse and the doctor coming in (because David kept asking for it mostly because he just likes to operate the water cooler - but the nurse just thought he was thirsty). They were curious, and asked questions. They laughed when the nurse called David "sir" and when the doctor made funny noises. David let the pokes and prods of an appointment happen without a fuss.

We had some water spills, and at the end we had a pretty big bathroom mishap (though he was sitting on the toilet, none of the pee went in the toilet...and he was carried out with my shirt around his waist). But, the nurse was right. They were well-behaved. At a time I didn't really expect them to be.

This has been happening more and more, lately. Not quite so much that I count on it. But with enough regularity that I don't think it's a fluke. It is getting easier to parent these two rambunctious kiddos. Easier at least for a little bit...

Eye Crinkles

Yesterday I noticed I have eye crinkles - aka smile wrinkles fanning out from the corner of one's eye. I'm not actually sure how long I have had them, but I definitely have them now.

I remember noticing certain people's eye crinkles when I was younger - and loving them. Loving that it meant the person had smiled and laughed (or maybe just squinted a lot). I wanted to have some too.

And now I do. And, I'm glad (and thankful).

Cooking

A reflection for Wednesday, November 21st.

I missed writing yesterday because, among other things, I was preparing for hosting Thanksgiving dinner. When I wasn't directly interacting with my kids, I was plodding away at steps to put together Thanksgiving dinner for 7 adults and 2 kids. I enjoy all of this planning, shopping, and the art of cooking.

I mostly follow recipes - and am often trying new ones. But, as our family's allergy needs and palates have changed, I've developed a number of "go-to" recipes that I don't need to do as much studying to prepare for. Sometimes I can even be at the grocery store, think about possibly making a particular dish, and pick up everything I need for it without the recipe or a list.

It has taken me a while to feel comfortable with cooking - even though I've wanted to be good at it and comfortable with it. I still have regular misses. But, as I expand my menu I've had more hits.

I should also note, I am grateful that we have food readily accessible and that, with the allergies we have, we are able to afford the more-expensive alternatives that allow for pretty equivalent substitution.

As I write this, I realize I would name cooking as a hobby. And, for a hobby that I enjoy and that helps me feed my family, I am thankful.

Health Care

David has been sick with a minor temperature (100.5) the last two Tuesdays, which is the one day the boys go to daycare so I can work. My task then is to either try to cram my work into evenings, weekends and newly nonexistent nap times, or for Pablo to take a sick day. Today, Pablo will work a ½ day, and I will work a ½ day.

David has had his share of colds/fever, and pretty much handles it like a trooper. Gabriel gets coughs after colds that are tough enough to lead to vomit. Both have allergies that are bordering on scary (with the possibility of an anaphylactic reaction), but have so far not encountered anything that has caused much more than a hospital visit, allergist appointments and careful food intake.

We are so so fortunate to have good medical care. I can't help but realize the basic human right of good health care as a privilege as we hear the news of a caravan of people heading to the United States seeking asylum. The caravan including young children, young women giving birth along the route and families started in Honduras and gained travelers along the way. I cannot imagine needing to pick up with so very little to attempt to start a new life somewhere.

I am especially mindful of health as people along the route have generously offered food and clothing - and one picture I saw was of kind people making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. My kids (and me) would not be able to eat those offers of nourishment. If we were in that caravan, I'm not sure how our boys, especially David, would be nourished.

This is a post of thankfulness - for the wonderful health professionals who care for our kids (we especially love our allergist, and have grown to greatly trust their pediatrician), and for the relative place of privilege that we are able to tend to the needs of our kids.