Thanksgiving Traditions

On this, the day of Thanksgiving, my idea for a post I'd like to write feels complicated. Both because it's not completely clear about what it is I'm thankful for and also because my emotions are not completely clear.

Holidays and the meals/events that go with them have felt tough since joining my life with another person. They feel tough because I'd like to continue some of my own traditions, adopt some of his and to make some traditions together. And, I think we're likely doing that. So, for that I can be thankful.

What feels hard is that every family gathering that happens on the actual holiday is spent in what feels like someone else's traditions. We spend almost every holiday with his family - and understandably, they aren't trying to combine traditions with anyone else's - they're just doing what they always do.

And so, even when my family (me) hosts, the practices and traditions (even as simple as how you fill your plate with food) feel like they have to be fought for. So, my writing today is complicated. I guess I'm complaining that I don't get to celebrate the actual holiday with the warm feelings I'd like to. It feels like a negotiation - in which I'm the only one really trying to negotiate.

But, I am thankful at the same time. I'm thankful that together Pablo and I are creating traditions within our own family. I'm thankful for the traditions I have had growing up that I remember fondly and want to emulate. I'm thankful that we do have people close by with which we continue traditions - even if they are not my own.