Handling It

When someone says "I can handle it" my ears perk up a bit and I take a little note. This phrase says to me that the "it" is something to handle and thus something that may cause a bit of anxiety or difficulty - or at the very least wear the person down a bit.

I only notice this because of my own experience. There are periods in my life where I look back and wonder how in the world I "handled it." Times that I have been worn raw and so emotionally scourged I couldn't cry. Times when I couldn't look to what was happening next week because it was all I could do to cope with the challenges of the present one.

The speaker at the conference I just attended was James Cone (or another site). His presentations were remarkable - one was on "The Problem of Race" and basically gave a 9 step process about how to go about addressing the problem within a community, particularly a religious community. Cone had us examining the cross from the perspective of a lynching tree in the second lecture - amazing in so many different angles and reminders of how we are all in this community together and yet we do not recognize Christ in our neighbor.

Anyway - as he responded to questions afterwards he was telling the history of who it was that stepped forward corporally to defend and fight with people in the South. He mentioned that as a body Jews stepped forward to fight for civil rights, but white protestants were shamefully missing. He was challenged by someone who himself had gone down - but Cone's response challenged the "I did it" mentality - especially when one begins to feel proud for where they are.

This brings me back to "handling it." Because, looking back - I can not imagine how I succeeded, but if it wasn't me that was doing the work - then it's possible. I can handle it - because I'm not the one who is handling it. When things do feel like they get to be too much, I shut down and move automatically. It's then, that I have to believe, that the Holy Spirit takes over. I can handle it because I let go.

I haven't figured out how to function normally and let go - I can only let go when there is no where else for me to go. And, I do not aim to get to that place on purpose. This helps me reinterpret parts of my life and the telling of those parts - it wasn't that I did anything but stuck within a given situation, letting go of anything but that I should be there.