Freak Out

Man it feels like there is just too much going on right now. And, my freak outs always tend to be at the times when productivity is unreasonable. (Tonight it's only 12:30 and the night before my day off- sometimes it's the 3ams before a Sunday morning.)

In my head I know that failure is not the worst option. I know that I have been accomplishing a lot and that there is just so much more work than possible for one person. But the list of things yet unaddressed is running through my head and it makes it impossible to sleep.

* A number of my homebound really need visits. I'm behind, as I have been for about a year.
* I would have like to have visited the woman in ICU today and now probably won't until Sunday, if not Monday.
* My sermon is barely started.
* Urrgh. Taxes.
* Laundry - which isn't urgent, but looking at my schedule ahead it may soon well be.
* The Christmas present that I've intended to buy and send - and the 2 Christmas cards I've intended to write and send - and the 5 thank you notes.
* I need to return some stuff to the library.
* I have a Bible Study to prepare to lead on Sunday. Haven't started.
* My council report should really be in people's boxes by Sunday am.
* I didn't call my parents today to thank them for the Valentine's treat they sent. Or, just to say I love them.
* I still have the intent to make the vegetable dishes, but haven't don't so since my last post about it. And, I've let some vegetables go to waste because I failed to make anything with them.
* My garbage really needs to be taken out.

Tomorrow is my day off - but it is already full. Of some really good things. But, I just don't know where I'll have any time. And really, I'd just like to sleep. Because I'm worked up now and the sheep seem to have left the building.

I think the freak outs come when I feel alone in responsibilities - even when it's my own mess. Each of those bullet points are things I need to handle. Sure, I'll hand off the taxes to someone else, but I need to gather it together. Yeah, if I get it in her hands soon enough, my secretary will distribute the council report, but I still need to write it.

Just by writing (and processing) I'm calming down - freaking out less. By the time I shut down the computer I might already be asleep. It just really sucks to feel this anxiety - especially when I'd much rather be sleeping.