Ms. Jekyll and Hyde

I had a dr's appt yesterday - just regular procedural stuff.

One of the things I wanted done was to have my cholesterol checked. That requires a fast...meaning no food. My appointment was at 1:15.

Just a warning to one and all - I'm not a very pleasant person when I haven't had any food or caffeine - at all. It was scary...and I don't think I liked myself very much.

After the appt I went to a local coffee joint and had some coffee and a sandwich. Then I came home and took a nap.

All was right in the world once again. And it's a good thing too - I taught Confirmation last night.

Amazing Grace

Today, aided by well loved hymns, I convicted.

My sermon was all about sin - about owning up to it - about no longer being ignorant to the amount of grace and mercy we receive.

There was Gospel, but the weight of the knowledge of sin was heavy.

Then as the Hymn of the Day we sang "Softly and Tenderly Jesus is Calling...come home..." and most powerfully of all - "Amazing Grace" as I handed the bread to people who were sniffing, tearing up, fragile.

It hurts. I'm not telling them - or myself - anything that isn't true. I'm not making them feel any particular way. But, I am calling forth truth. And it's painful.

But the grace came in the meal - that overflowed with abundance - that helped people to know that they had been made right by God.

I'm still feeling fragile. I pronounced the post-communion blessing "May the body and blood of our Lord Jesus Christ strengthen you, and keep you in his grace" a bit choked up and with tears dripping out of the corners of my eyes.

Early Bird

Up until my second year of college I was one of those annoying people who would practically leap out of bed. It's not that I would wake up naturally, but when my alarm went off I was up and ready to go.

Something about those late college nights and extra responsibility removed that immediate bounciness and I started to have to drag myself out of bed, even setting more than one alarm for a while.

Now, however, I've been waking up naturally more and more - earlier too. I am also finding myself somewhere in between these two states. My current mode of operation when I wake up is to be calm and relaxed. I've recently enjoyed a little bit of extra time in the morning in which I get to drink my coffee, read the paper, maybe go for a run and just be.

Ooops - there goes my alarm for the day.

I like this morning time and am thankful for it because while evening time like this - calm, centered around books or music or some task - is nice...it's good to start the day this way.

Now on to tackle this one...

Pests - Just Trying to Show the Love

For the first time since I started wearing contacts (periodically) again, no one at Soup Kitchen commented on whether I was wearing glasses or not.

It's because all the comments were reserved for my newly curly hair.

I don't like it, but I do understand that for some people it is their way of connecting - commenting on appearance. I (probably like most people) appreciate it when someone tells me I look nice, but when it's just general comments about my appearance - I get annoyed. (It also depends on who is saying it, and of course, how it's said.)

I watched a member make the rounds of Soup Kitchen last night and probably experience the same thing I do...she is one that makes an effort to know everyone and is amazingly caring and welcoming.

As people would walk by her (as she was talking with someone else), many would place a hand on her back or shoulder, or flip her hair. It was obviously done out of endearment...and she held her cool.

The same thing happens to me, and I sometimes have to really work to not be incredibly annoyed by it. But, what I saw last night was the beauty of people feeling connected to her. Feeling they had a friend in her. People who probably wouldn't say they have a friend in very many others.

It still is annoying - the same kind of pestering that little kids do to one another when they like each other - but, on the other hand, it's a good sign of relationship and the good work we are doing.

Taking a Chance

I'm not the best singer.

I think I can hear tune and tone and all the important musical things, but I can't always make my voice do that.

So, I've regularly chanted the liturgy, and in the last 6 months we've started to have those Lectors who were interested in chanting chant the Psalm. It's been a set few and I've come to expect that some but not others would.

I've also been working on a worshipful environment that allows us to take chances. That we don't have to be perfect in what we do in order to worship and praise God. Sometimes even saying that we're going to try something that is a little out of our comfort zone - and asking people to remember that what we're doing is about God - not about how we perform. (Although I do also talk about not giving crap to God - but trying our best).

Yesterday I got tears in my eyes as one of my older adults - a woman who I've come to expect to be a bit stuck in her ways - decided to chant the Psalm. Her voice cracked a little - she had to start over for one of the stanzas - but it was beautiful.