If I were superstitious...

I would think it was me. As an intern people died either right before I was about to visit them or immediately after I did. Now, with as much as I can say about my situation - let's just say that there is a major staff rejuvenation in the works.

If I was superstitious I would think it was me. If I was egocentric I would thing it was me (phew, maybe I'm not as egocentric as I think). I know it's not me, but, as with the multiple deaths, I'm marveling at the timing. Marveling isn't quite the right word...but I'm too tired to figure out what is.

Following the same subject - work - I'm really having to learn how to draw my boundaries. Boundaries have often come very easy for me - but I'm finding it quite difficult as I feel continuously placed in the middle of situations that it's not necessary I be in. It takes so much more work to sit silent or redirect - making sure people are communicating with each other rather than it go through me. It would be so much easier if I just did everything - but I don't have that kind of time nor do I want that authority - nor is it my call. I am here to empower others. But it's hard to remember that when someone asks "What are you going to do about that?"

I'm exhausted and have cried more in the last two days than I think I have all year. I'm not exactly sure why - other than I'm not in control and I'm not sure what I'm doing. I continue to feel like I'm in the right place and that I am doing the work I am called to do. And, I have hope and trust that I will get to the point where this will come more naturally. (I also have some very good resources and outlets that I have begun to use - so I'm taking some good steps both professionally and personally, but it doesn't fix everything right away).

If I were superstitious I would believe my horoscope from Sunday (the day of my official installation as pastor of this church) that contained among the prophecy, "...it's not the best day to make a commitment or promise. Change is headed your way..." But, I'm not superstitious and I will follow through with those promises I made - but the only way I'll be able to is because of the second part of the phrase I used to promise - "I will, and I ask God to help me." I ask you to ask God to help me too.