Crossword Help

I usually enjoy doing the crossword in the paper Fridays through Sundays. Today, however, it's giving me a headache. I'm stuck on a few words that are really driving me nuts! There are six words I cannot get - can you help me out?

Orange variety: O S _ _ E
Supplemented, with "out": E _ _ D
Lettuce type: _ O S
Platonic P: _ H O
Side Conversation: _ _ O S S P _ L _
and
Turn right: _ E _

Usually if I can't get something it's okay. But I feel like I should be able to get these.

My heritage? I'm not so sure.

Following Meckhead, Jessica and Abba, I decided to try my hand, or should I say face, at the web site that tells you which stars you look like (or have a common heritage? Looks can be deceiving).

Here are my somewhat embarrassing totals - with a couple comments.

Janet Leigh (68%) I do believe my mom's sister looks quite a bit like a young Janet Leigh - so I'll take it.

Diane Keaton (49%) It's the glasses.

Andrew Wiles (48%) First reaction - Who? (Answer) Second reaction - a man?!? Again, it's the glasses. Third reaction - Hey, at least he's smart.

Elton John (47%) Hmmm...I just can't win. Janet Leigh was a good start, Diane Keaton is okay. But then Andrew Wiles and now Sir Elton John! It had better get more complimentary!

Katie Holmes (47%) Ok, that's better. I used to find Tom Cruise hot too.

Mia Farrow (46%) Eh, at least she's not a man.

Meryl Streep (44%) Lot's of strong women types in here - are we sure this isn't a personality test?

Celine Dion (42%) This is where I question the whole heritage thing.

Olivia Newton-John (41%) Aww, Sandra Dee!

Michelle Pfeiffer (41%) Phew - so we ended with some attractive women, including Catwoman herself.

Convicted

Thank you, Abba, for asking how the chaos is going. I can honestly say that it continues to go, and that I'm holding up - but I'm totally going to need a nice glass of wine on Sunday afternoon (during a 24 hour break from the chaos).

Some of the things that have added to chaos have been things that have forced me to continue my discernment process. This discernment thing never stops, it just continues. Some of my colleages are suggesting, and I'm asking them to suggest, some possible directions and options for what will shape my ministry. But, that's not all I'm having to discern.

I'm having to discern how much I can say yes to before that yes ends up meaning a no to something else to which I've already committed.

I'm having to discern how much "we've always done it that way" is truth and how much is perception.

I'm having to discern what the consequences might be if we don't do "it" the way "it" has always been done.

I'm having to discern how much to fill people in on of my vision - small steps for some, big picture for others.

I'm having to discern where I really want to put my energy.

Tonight I started a 2 1/2 day Anti-Racism Training. And, as I was sitting there listening to a wonderful woman speak, I started having doubts about the amount of energy I want to put into certain justice issues. I suppose it was a bit of despair of what I will never be able to fully accomplish (as if accomplishing was the point), combined with fatigue, combined with not really knowing where to start in my location (which is one reason to do the training - duh!).

As this evening's session was winding down, we had a short worship service in which this woman first led us in a favorite spiritual "Wade in the Water." As she sang the verse "See that host standin' all in black (God is gonna trouble the water) I'm a leaving and I ain't goin' back"** she looked right at me - held my gaze and smiled. At first I smiled, then I started to tear up, then I had to look down as my face flushed. I am convicted.

I can't go back either. And it's scary. I was not expecting this. But, taking this training (even as introductory as it has been so far) and contemplating other ways to bring justice to the forefront of my ministry, really means that I kinda have to keep wrestling with it. I don't get to stop and say that I don't want to pay attention to injustice today - or that I'll ever finish my work. More discernment.

**I can't find this particular verse in the on-line lyrics pages that I've looked. I can find all of the others she sang, but not that verse. So, these might not be the particular words she sang.

On the Eve of Chaos

Tomorrow starts an incredibly busy and responsibility-laden rest-of-January. And so, I find, I don't want to go to bed. I know once I go to bed that my busy life essentially begins. If I don't go to bed, I get to enjoy these last five days of relative un-busy-ness. However, I also will not get my essential quota of sleep.

Ah well. Responsibility starts now.

The Wonder of Kids - And the Good They Bring

During an extended family Christmas celebration I was somehow singled out by my cousin's 2-year-old son as a safe person. He followed me around a bit, and kept running back to my lap after venturing out (it helped that part of the time I was the lone female in a room full of men who were playing with and teasing him). As I said then, my heart just kept getting bigger and bigger.

I love children. Yet, for some reason my bonds with the children at church haven't gotten very far yet. I think it has something to do with not being quite as reachable as I lead worship and other church activities. I wonder if I am a bit intimidating to them. I also have not had much of a chance to be with them. These last three months I've participated in some of their activities (today we went ice skating - fun!). And, I think that some of these relationships are building. This month a few of the kids were more comfortable than last month. The trust will come - even if the relationship remains one of pastor/parishioner.

But, I miss that complete trust of a 2-year old as he flings his body into my lap and snuggles.

Doubting Thomas

I recently picked up the new Nickel Creek album, "Why Should the Fire Die?" One of the album's songs completely stands out to me - "Doubting Thomas." They lyrics read:

what will be left when i've drawn my last breath
besides the folks i've met and the folks who know me
will i discover a soul cleansing love
or just the dirt above and below me

i'm a doubting thomas
i took a promise
but i don't know what's safe
oh me of little faith

sometimes i pray for a slap in the face
then i beg to be spared 'cause i'm a coward
if there's a master of death i'll bet he's holding his breath
as i show the blind and tell the deaf about his power

i'm a doubting thomas
i took a promise
but i don't know what's safe
oh me of little faith

can i be used to help others find truth
when i'm scared i'll find proof that its a lie
can i be lead down a trail dropping
bread crumbs
that prove i'm not ready to die

please give me time to decipher the signs
please forgive me for time that i've wasted

i'm a doubting thomas
i took a promise
but i don't know what's safe
oh me of little faith

I think it's the third verse that strikes me. The scariness and awesomeness of this career. The amount of responsibility - that I take this so seriously, but then realizing that it's not all up to me...that I am more than likely getting a whole mess of things wrong. But - I still take up a lead and hope others will follow...not following me to follow me, but to figure out the way(s) to follow another.

While I rarely feel quite the extent of the uncertainty as the lyricist, there are times that are hard to say what I believe. But then I fall back on what I promised to teach and preach and sometimes it's this very act of preaching and teaching that brings me out of my doubt. And I resonate with the feelings of not being worthy to be in this place of leadership. But if any of this were about worth, I know I wouldn't be where I am at all.

Wisdom's House

In the mail on Wednesday I received the most lovely of gifts. It was from my host family as I was a volunteer through Lutheran Volunteer Corps a number of years ago. They are wonderful souls with whom I continue to keep in some degree of contact. They are, in fact, who introduced me to Denise Levertov's work - she being the author of the poem for which this blog site is named. He is among other things an artist and poet and he wrote the following in the letter to me:

"Which leads me to explain the enclosed poem. "Wisdom's House" has been published in a small Christian literary magazine Windhover. But it started with a question you made me ask. One day I was watching you interact with homeless and/or obviously disturbed or stoned individuals who you knew through N House (the homeless shelter where I worked). The way that you dropped all pretense and agendas of your own and became available to them made me ask, what house did [Amused] grow up in to become this way. It made me also think of [my volunteer house] and the many LVC houses and households and the volunteer interactions that take place."

Wisdom's House
--for [Amused]

I've seen her house levitate
lift its burden against gravity
arc across the rippled roof lines
of the sleeping city.

I've heard her front porch speak
with the tongue of movie rights
in the timbre of patent law
and on the twelve point ritual.

When we arrive at Wisdom's house
the doors recite stories. Windows
unravel old ghost secret hymns.
Saints heat water, brew tea.

The border between the work
of our hands on fresh mornings
and the words of hearts seek
on pale evenings, that margin blurs.

A slow wind sings itself
through each room, stands in
every doorway, is already asking
if we need another home.

by Robert [last name...since I haven't told him I'm putting this on the internet]

One reason I love poetry is because I don't every get it all the first time. And, I know that this will take a number of reads for me to soak it all in. And, like scripture, I may read it differently depending on where I am in life.

And, my heart swells as I realize that it's really about the home in which I was brought up - that it's about those who supported me since I first was and those who helped support me as I branched out.

Even when I'm relaxing, I make lists

Ahh, a day off, with another one immediately following. I slept in until just before 10. While my body is not yet feeling altogether relaxed, it is relaxing. I do have a to-do list for today - but it includes fun stuff as well as work stuff.

1) figure out how and where to recycle my Christmas tree (and how long they accept them)
2) find a dentist, make an appointment
3) find an eye doctor, make an appointment
4) find a massage therapist, make an appointment (I'm available tomorrow)
5) take a bath
6) call friend to figure out when we're going to Brokeback Mountain
7) put away things on my dining room table, which seems to collect everything I take out of its place
8) Call to RSVP for house blessing at colleague's house on Saturday (am I going or not? I don't know)
9) before I go to bed, do the dishes.

I will allow myself to leave anything but 4, 5, 6 & 9 until tomorrow - which happens to be another day off.

It is amazing. Just knowing that I have tomorrow too feels so nice. A real day off - if I like, not to do anything but what is essential to relax and stay alive (really, my dishes might attack me if they are not soon cleaned).

Actually, this entire week, I've been more relaxed, happier, more patient...just because I knew I would have these two days. A lesson.