Musings on dreams and friendships

In between being asleep and awake I had a strange dream this morning that sent me back to college - a reunion actually. I was sitting at a table with some of my good friends and I just kept seeing person after person from college that I haven't thought of in a loooooong time. They were sitting at other tables or wandering around the hall. None of these acquaintances stopped to chat - but there they were, in my dream.

Last night I went to dinner with a friend and to my immediate left was a group of 5 college-aged boys who were talking (as my friend said "like I do with my girlfriends!") about relationships and meeting someone not connected to school and all those things that really do need to be discussed with close friends. It was fun to eavesdrop and catch some of the wisdom they had for one another. They discussed how it would be harder post-college to meet people - friends and dates - and how they were a little nervous about that.

And, yeah, outside of institutions of like-minded people it is hard to meet people. I've yet to really try to do it. I've always been in an institution of some sort. But, it has gotten harder post-college.

My friends - those who I sat with in my dream - are similar in some ways, but hugely different in others - from me and from one another. In seminary, my friends are much more similar - although our differences are surely evident. And, once I leave this place it's hard to imagine that I will meet much of a diversity of people - but I hope so. And, as I get older the friends that I do have get more diverse within their own lives. Marriage, babies, careers, living in different places will do that.

There's no moral - just some of my thoughts as I ponder my dream.

Did I jinx myself?

Update on the genetics class - I was the only one to sign up for it and so it will not be offered this spring. I'm disappointed.

Rest eternal*

Wow - two in one day! I must be writing a sermon.

I am - and that's what this post is about. I am writing a funeral sermon - for someone who hasn't yet died. It is for my class that is focusing on the rites of Weddings, Funerals, Healing and Ordination and we are to write either a wedding or a funeral sermon with the subjects being particular people.

The man I chose is a dear soul who I got to know on my internship. He is in his early 90's and has had a little bit of medical trouble, but not much. It's not expected that he will die soon - but neither is it expected that he will live for another 10 years. Regardless, I will not be the one giving the funeral sermon since I am no longer in that placement. How strange it feels.

Today in chapel we were invited during the prayers of the people to pray outloud for those who were in special need of healing. He was the first person to come to mind.

Also regarding death - if I was Lazarus, I think I was would have been pissed off! if Jesus brought me back to earthly life.

*Grant rest eternal is a phrase used in the burial rite.

Anyone figured out human cloning yet? (Or the ethics of it?)

It's a big week for me. Not only am I finishing up my J-term class, not only am I leaving for a week on a cruise (a cruise?!?) almost as soon as that class is done, but my little brother is coming through with a few friends.

I'm not the "cool" sister. I'm the oldest, the responsible, the one who hasn't had all that many interactions with him apart from at our parents' home. But I yearn to get to know this really fantastic brother of mine better.

The challenge is: we'll be out and about at night, but I have class at 8 am the next day and leave shortly after class from the above mentioned cruise. I want to be a cool sister who hangs out until the wee hours (especially 'cause that is what he is used to) but I'm just not a night owl.

I think I'll be cloning myself for the end of this week - just to do everything that I need/want to do. And, then both clones too will be acquiring the skill of insomnia (a skill?) to be able to spend time with the people that I want and complete the things I need to complete.

My last post talked about responsibility. And now it's not clear. What is my responsibility? To spend time with loved ones? to prepare for a time of rest and relaxation (self-care)? or to complete well something that is going to better my career? I'm not going to let any of them go - but my choice is going to mean that none of them will be done as well or thoroughly (or with enough time) as I would like.

On a tangent - next semester I'm taking a class on genetics and faith - perhaps more on cloning then.

Responsible Frivolity

I'm going on a cruise! Amazing, strange...more spontaneously than I usually do things. Friends found a great deal and asked if I'd like to go along too. 5 nights, with stops in Costa Maya and Cozumel.

Graduate school is not cheap, nor do I make much money. My life is provided for by loans and the minimal 10-hour a week job I am able to hold. I'm not extravagant, but I'm not incredibly stingy either. This cruise, however, feels extremely extravagant.

I talked this through a bit with my mom (who has always been a great financial advisor, helping to sort through what it would mean to spend or to save). She mentioned that it seemed somewhat strange that her children in their 20's were doing things like going on a cruise that she and my dad would not really think of doing. But then, feeling to me like a bit of permission and a bit of helping me rationalize, she said that there are certain things that we should do before we are loaded down with other debts and responsibilities. She equated this trip in some ways to her mid-college summer trip to Europe where she was a housemaid with time for travel.

Spending money walks such a fine line. Making decisions about when to spend and when to save, what is the responsible choice? When should I jump and take advantage of an opportunity that presents itself?

I'm not sure that this choice is the most responsible choice I can make, but, especially as I hear that some of the female professors at school are talking among themselves about how wonderful it is we are going on this trip, I realize that responsibility does not always need to be the determining factor. So, here I go, down the road of some responsible frivolity.

Seeing Red

My friend Belle (hi!) can read people's colors - and I've gotten so I can guess pretty well what a person's emotional color would be. According to Belle, mine is blue - although I think the shade changes from time to time.

Yesterday, for the New Year's celebration I attended, I wore a bright red shirt, that I have to say was an excellent color for me. As I was reflecting on the colors that look good on me and the colors that I emote (one of my new favorite words - if it is a real word, the spell check doesn't recognize it) I thought to the most recent time when I emotionally saw red. An accusation towards another whom I love caused me to have tunnel vision which was edged by reddish light. I said things that I wish I didn't say and reacted so strongly I scared myself a bit.

When I worked at the homeless shelter we had a controversy surrounding the color of the walls. When I (and most of the other staff) started there the walls were a bright red - due, I'm sure, to a donation of paint. The staff of the mental health clinic in town called us out on our red walls - because the color agitates, and a smoky, loud, hot day-shelter with few rules does not need anything extra to agitate. We, the staff, re-prioritized and ended up painting the walls a green color. And while we did not experiment to determine how much the color changed the atmosphere, I would guess that it did.

It sometimes feels good to see red - and to respond out of it. At the same time, I'm glad that for the most part I emote blue. I don't think I need any extra agitation.