I'm not dirty...in fact I showered less than 6 hours ago and have done nothing to make me dirty. I need a shower because I need to see the big picture.
I do some of my best thinking in the shower. For some odd reason, warm water hitting me in the head makes me think. I come up with many thoughts, revelations and ideas while showering. Too bad I have no water proof paper to write on.
I need a shower now. I'm working on a couple of different things that I enjoy (a paper and a sermon) but I'm lacking some distance from each of them. My brain is cluttered and I just keep typing similar phrases and statements over and over again as I write. A shower would wash away the clutter and leave behind shiny bright ideas and direction. But, I'm not going to shower. If I did so I might turn into a prune as I try to work out all that I want to and that would not be good.
In some ways this blog is like a shower. It lets me get rid of some of the random thoughts and feelings I have so I can concentrate better on the task at hand. I may not come away feeling washed clean, but I do feel refreshed as I share my randomness with the blogging world. So - after popping down more random thoughts on this blog I'm back to my paper and my sermon.
As an afternote on a completely different subject, I find it odd that the spell check that the blog uses does not recognize the words 'blog' or 'blogging.'
Thursday, December 16, 2004
Monday, December 13, 2004
Every Plant Needs a Little Sun
Sometimes I feel like everyone else. But sometimes I'm keenly aware of being different because of vocation. This last week I've been completely aware that I have different responsibility...and I don't feel weighed down by it so much as that I feel guarded. Within this wall I am completely myself. I am able to be strong and a leader. I am able to be passionate and compassionate.
If I am what is inside the wall, then there is a little hut in the middle of the grounds that has extra security. Most everyone can get inside the main walls. But this next set of walls is very guarded. No one has discovered the password - and I won't even allow anyone to guess. There is a plant inside the hut that needs light - I worry that sometimes the plant gets no light because all of the other things need tending too - the owner of the hut is very rarely home enough to tend to it. No matter how much the owner of the hut waters the plant and tends to other things in the hut and outside of the hut, the plant still needs sun.
The problem is exacerbated because the owner (me) has no idea how to start getting the plant a little sun...and because the weather has been a bit gray lately anyway.
So - I'm going to finish this post because I'm tired. And, I'm going to post it. It's not complete and it may not make much sense...but it's what is coming to mind at the moment. Perhaps another day I can figure out how to get some sunlight to that plant - or maybe you can offer suggestions (if you have any idea what I'm talking about). I understand that I'll always have some plant in my hut that is a little dry or in need of light - but this one is withering - more than is healthy.
If I am what is inside the wall, then there is a little hut in the middle of the grounds that has extra security. Most everyone can get inside the main walls. But this next set of walls is very guarded. No one has discovered the password - and I won't even allow anyone to guess. There is a plant inside the hut that needs light - I worry that sometimes the plant gets no light because all of the other things need tending too - the owner of the hut is very rarely home enough to tend to it. No matter how much the owner of the hut waters the plant and tends to other things in the hut and outside of the hut, the plant still needs sun.
The problem is exacerbated because the owner (me) has no idea how to start getting the plant a little sun...and because the weather has been a bit gray lately anyway.
So - I'm going to finish this post because I'm tired. And, I'm going to post it. It's not complete and it may not make much sense...but it's what is coming to mind at the moment. Perhaps another day I can figure out how to get some sunlight to that plant - or maybe you can offer suggestions (if you have any idea what I'm talking about). I understand that I'll always have some plant in my hut that is a little dry or in need of light - but this one is withering - more than is healthy.
Saturday, December 04, 2004
Even if the water isn't fine, I'm jumping (or at least stepping)
In discussion with friends today I remembered my 1st grade swimming lessons. While trying to coax me to jump off the diving board into the deep end, my swimming instructor (all 17 years of him that my six-year-old self had a crush on) begged me "pretty please, with a cherry on top" to jump into the pool where he would catch me. *Sigh* I couldn't do then what I still can't do now....but that's a tangent that I won't take today.
Anyway, since then every time I jump from the diving board (or even the occasional dive) I often think as I step away, "There's no turning back now." I even one time used that (pre-seminary) as the repetitive phrase in a sermon. There is no turning back, though. No matter how much I will it, once I step off that diving board I can not will myself back to it without first getting wet.
And once again I've stepped. Maybe not off, but closer to the edge of the board.
Once I do jump, there's no turning back and getting back on the board. There will be chances to try a dive again, new pools to jump into, but I will be part of the pool. Or as some of my colleagues call it, the draft. My paperwork is in for the next step in my career (although nothing will be concretely decided for a while yet). Maybe I haven't quite stepped off the diving board, but I'm taking one step closer to the edge. I will jump, even if there isn't an attractive swimming instructor waiting to catch me (but I won't complain if there is). I will mean it when I say, "I will and I ask God to help and guide me."
Anyway, since then every time I jump from the diving board (or even the occasional dive) I often think as I step away, "There's no turning back now." I even one time used that (pre-seminary) as the repetitive phrase in a sermon. There is no turning back, though. No matter how much I will it, once I step off that diving board I can not will myself back to it without first getting wet.
And once again I've stepped. Maybe not off, but closer to the edge of the board.
Once I do jump, there's no turning back and getting back on the board. There will be chances to try a dive again, new pools to jump into, but I will be part of the pool. Or as some of my colleagues call it, the draft. My paperwork is in for the next step in my career (although nothing will be concretely decided for a while yet). Maybe I haven't quite stepped off the diving board, but I'm taking one step closer to the edge. I will jump, even if there isn't an attractive swimming instructor waiting to catch me (but I won't complain if there is). I will mean it when I say, "I will and I ask God to help and guide me."
Thursday, December 02, 2004
The Snow Sense
I often wake up naturally when it snows, particularly at the beginning of the season. When I do so it's peaceful and exciting. For some reason I gain energy from newly fallen snow. And, somehow that energy gets transmitted to me as I sleep.
I also tend to have certain other instincts that I am sure are natural from times when humanity lived a more primitive life and so I wonder, is this another one of those instincts? Do I gain energy from falling snow and wake up in the middle of the night as snow begins to fall because at one time in humanity's existence a response would be necessary?
It may just be a change in air pressure, or maybe it's the streetlights reflecting off the white of the snow. Whatever it is, it leads me to become more and more in awe of God's creation, particularly, the human and the human's interaction with nature.
I also tend to have certain other instincts that I am sure are natural from times when humanity lived a more primitive life and so I wonder, is this another one of those instincts? Do I gain energy from falling snow and wake up in the middle of the night as snow begins to fall because at one time in humanity's existence a response would be necessary?
It may just be a change in air pressure, or maybe it's the streetlights reflecting off the white of the snow. Whatever it is, it leads me to become more and more in awe of God's creation, particularly, the human and the human's interaction with nature.
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