Maybe it's why someone has behaved a certain way. Maybe it's an explanation for why people relate to one another a certain way. Maybe it's naming a dynamic bigger than 2 people. Essentially, I make things up. Not in a mean way, but to try to understand it myself.
The problem isn't in the wondering, it's that I don't communicate (to myself or others) that what I'm doing is wondering, instead, I come off as declaring.
I've got this image that what I'm doing is creating a ball of explanation that I spit out with the intention of exploring it - maybe removing the parts that don't work - massaging it to be what might be right. But, instead of working with it, I set it down right away - look at it and say, "This is what it is." Then, try to attempt to make that make sense.
Perhaps this image isn't helpful to anyone but me (but really, who is this blog for?).
It seems to me that I'm getting more assertive and more declarative as I get older. I'd rather maintain my sense of wondering about - of exploring - of searching for what is truth rather than just declaring it (especially since so often lately I've been way off).
Deep down, this comes from a desire to be wise. And, I've been told I'm wise. While I know wisdom isn't in declaring that I know something, it's tempting because when I do hit the nail on the head, people recognize the wisdom.
This is a confession of sorts - with a hope that by confessing, I'll better recognize this before I say something. By confessing, I'll be able to change this piece that bothers me.
2 comments:
Interesting... I can't say I've noticed this trait in you, but I believe you when you say you have. :-) I think I'm one of the folks who thinks you're already pretty wise. This post is one of the reasons I think so.
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