The following may be a mess of thoughts without direction or center.
I have been bouncing back and forth rapidly between feeling the need to shut up, be humble, and think through what I say carefully on one side and on the other the gut instincts, the education I've been given through books, class, and life, and the emotion that drives me through frustration and urgency of purpose.
In the last month I have put my foot in my mouth frequently. I have often challenged others - hopefully making them think about something, possibly alienating them from myself. I have allowed myself to be triggered - and I have responded well in some situations where I would have felt like a putz if I said nothing. I have responded not so well when the same urgency hasn't been there.
I sometimes don't know when to open my mouth. But then, there are some times that I don't know when to keep it shut. I sometimes am too nice. But then, sometimes I am too blunt - sometimes even rude.
I suppose I'm still learning - as I always will be, but it's a higher curve right now.
I just wished I wasn't always second guessing myself right now. Should I have said something else? Should I have spoken up? Should I have just kept my mouth shut?
2 comments:
You sound like how I feel a lot of the time. I'm forever replaying the things I've said that might have been awkward, poorly phrased or hurtful (regardless of whether they're true or needed to have been said).
I think that's why I'm an introvert.
It's tempting to think that there is a correct reply or statement for every situation- in truth there can only be yours, and mine, and someone else's... and I believe if we concentrate on finding the correct one, we lose the creative, inspired one.
WWJD? well, If the gospels are any indication, it appears that when he was pressed by others for advice on what to do, he would (a) ask them another question; (b) tell a story or a parable; or (c) say that only God knows.
Keep on believing in your wonderful self!
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