Too Much 2

I typed the title "Too Much" and my computer remembered that I had previously titled something "Too Much." Is that Much Too Much?

But, yet again, here I am, feeling like Too Much is happening. Too Much work. Too Much food eaten alone (not too much because of the amount of food but because of the frequency of singleness).

Too Much BIG STUFF. Like, publicly calling city officials on inappropriate behavior. Like, being challenged by a fellow clergy person for wanting (too much) definition. Like, pushing my congregation into a possibly politically charged thing it may not be ready for. Like, opening up the "BIG KITCHEN DEBATE 2006". Like helping another congregation choose a pastor.

And, for some reason, my congregation is attracting more and more people who have mental and/or emotional challenges. And, they take a little more patience and time.

Currently, I have two Sunday worships, a wedding, a 3-hour long confirmation time, and 11 days before a glorious week of vacation. I'll be ready for that time away with dear ones. If anything is too much then - it'll be all those things that we want too much of - friends, food, fun, sleep (oh, sleep).

Good Council

An hour and a half council meeting tonight. Good work done. There was some intensity around a recurring issue that came up in a committee report (having to do with one of our ministries). After spending 20 minutes on it the council came to a conclusion. Later on our agenda was this very same issue (that we thus didn't need to spend any time on) but one of the council members asked if I would relay a touching story that I had previously told him of how this ministry has made a difference in a person's life. He said, "After going around and around for months and months on such a petty issue, it's good to remember that what we do isn't about [the issue], but about the ministry we do."

So true.

My congregation's council is so good right now. We had a retreat on Saturday. They have and are working hard. And they have and are doing a fantastic job. It is such a relief. (I say as I realize that I am energized after this meeting - and that the last truly bad council meeting I remember was last November. From Aug-Nov of '05 council meetings were at least 3 hours long. Miserable.)

Another issue (from this very same ministry) was included on the committee report as a recommendation. It had very little information and did not really come out of a meeting, but out of the committee chair's head when she was writing up the other recommendation. In the past, I've had to be the one to note that there really wasn't any specific request, so we really didn't have anything to talk about. This time, it was noted, it was discussed for all of 2 minutes as to what the person might mean. It was then determined that we needed to table it to ask for more clarification from the committee. In the past, this would have been an issue that went on for 1/2 an hour. I'm so proud.

Yes, recognition of what isn't being done correctly came out of this meeting. Recognition of some problems (like one of the committee chairs is sending her committee reports via e-mail, but they aren't being received...arrgh!). But, it feels like I am part of a great team.
Amen.

Mouth - opened or closed

The following may be a mess of thoughts without direction or center.

I have been bouncing back and forth rapidly between feeling the need to shut up, be humble, and think through what I say carefully on one side and on the other the gut instincts, the education I've been given through books, class, and life, and the emotion that drives me through frustration and urgency of purpose.

In the last month I have put my foot in my mouth frequently. I have often challenged others - hopefully making them think about something, possibly alienating them from myself. I have allowed myself to be triggered - and I have responded well in some situations where I would have felt like a putz if I said nothing. I have responded not so well when the same urgency hasn't been there.

I sometimes don't know when to open my mouth. But then, there are some times that I don't know when to keep it shut. I sometimes am too nice. But then, sometimes I am too blunt - sometimes even rude.

I suppose I'm still learning - as I always will be, but it's a higher curve right now.

I just wished I wasn't always second guessing myself right now. Should I have said something else? Should I have spoken up? Should I have just kept my mouth shut?

The Soundtrack of My Life

The potency of music astounds me. I subscribe to Paste Magazine, which sends out it's magazine 6 times a year with a CD of music (and sometimes a DVD included as well. The music is usually stuff I haven't yet heard, but some of which will soon be popular. Some of the artists are known, some are not.

I'm playing the newest CD this morning, I haven't yet gotten all the way through it. But, a couple of the songs have completely tugged at my emotions - pulling out emotions of melancholy, of contentment, of wonder, of excitement. The music takes over.

Worship is like this for me too. I need music - both the stuff that has stood the test of time, but also the new stuff. It's such a challenge to balance these two at times, especially when the best singers prefer the old stuff, but I think we're doing okay at singing stuff everyone knows most of the time, with one newer selection thrown in a Sunday.

And, now we're talking about changing liturgy - scary :)

Anyway, on NPR a while ago there was someone who was talking about what happens in the brain during music. I don't remember the specifics, but the music that pulls us the most is often the music that throws in a surprise - something that goes along with the expected, but then has a key change or a different note or word that intrigues us. And, that brings us satisfaction in some way.

I suppose, music in some ways is an acting out of life - or a singing out of life. The emotions, the urges, and the desire for some order within chaos.