Since it's a day with few demands (see previous post), I get time to really think. I recently described the beauty of my job as that for people in difficult situations I represent hope and comfort - not because of what I say or do, but because of the role I've been given. This means that when I even just call someone on the phone, there's another presence with us, because a recognition of God is understood (even if I don't say anything). Not that the divine isn't with us when I call up a friend who doesn't see me as pastor - but when I'm that role, that recognition is a bit clearer.
But, that adds another complication - because even though it's not about what I say or do, it is possible for me to represent the downfall of contemporary religion. So many people have been hurt by superhuman expectations and by corruption. So many people have been turned off by piety and hypocrisy.
I think about the choices I make outside of my role as pastor. I don't usually think about "representing" the church and denomination that I do - I just live as I think is important. But, if I royally screwed up, it would hurt more than just the immediate people involved. It's just a matter of determining what "screwing up" is.
I don't toss and turn at night worrying and wondering about my actions, but I do like to ponder this public life that I am living and how my private life might sometimes need to take precedence.
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