It's hot and muggy and I am supposed to be packing to move as well as packing for the trip I leave on tomorrow at 7:30 am. But, I'm restless. I have had so much to do and so many details to try to pay attention to - and at the present moment I'm just not organized to handle it. I keep thinking that if I can just get the next thing done I will be a bit saner. But I haven't come across that magic accomplishment that leads to sanity. I crossed off all but one thing on my extensive list for today - but I still have a number of things I'd like to accomplish yet tonight.
As in most cases, it will be better once I leave my door tomorrow at 7:30 and can't turn back. Once I am not able to pay attention to it for a short time and once I'm able to sit down on the plane and look forward to some relaxation, a movie, a book, planning a sermon (yes, even that feels relaxing at this point), sitting at the beach, hanging out with a dear friend, attending another dear friend's ordination and then flying back with yet another dear friend. What a whole heck of a lot (much of it relaxing) to look forward to! And, I know that I will be saner once I walk through my door.
Just as, I know I will feel saner once I've gotten into my new apartment (even if I don't have it all put together yet) and once I gotten to my parents' home before my ordination and I even believe that I will feel saner than I do now when I am beginning as Pastor Amused...because there is freshness, excitement, possibility and comfort in each of these things. And it is time to leave the old - and that is why I feel restless and want to run away. Not away from the old, but away from the leaving.
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