School Bus Routine

I miss the routine of seeing the school buses that stop outside our house. Three in the morning, two in the afternoon (perhaps a third that I never quite figured out?). They framed our getting ready routine. By the 8am bus we needed to be heading upstairs to get dressed. And, they helped us know that we had just a little bit of time before Daddy would get home and I would need to start making dinner.

Now, while not quite as routine, and not quite as noticeable, we have more walkers passing by. And more frequent delivery trucks make the noise the school buses used to. These would always have been here, and the school buses would have stopped at this point. But, I still miss them. And there is a sadness connected with them not keeping their routine.

Stay In Power

March 14th was the last time my family was inside together someplace other than our own house. The kids have now "finished" preschool at home. (They really didn't do much other than watch some videos their teachers had posted, do a project or two, and Gabriel finished a few letter worksheets.) We picked up their school items last Monday.

It's been over 2 months since either of them have played with kids other than each other. They have talked on FaceTime or on the phone with family members. We did one socially distant visit to their Abuelitos. But otherwise, their playmates have been their parents and each other.

And most of the time they are doing so very well. But sometimes they just get tired of each other. And, often they want to go someplace other than outside or in our house.

Gabriel refused to go and pick up preschool things even though he could have seen his teacher because he didn't want to go if he couldn't get out of the car. David had a bit of a temper tantrum yesterday as we walked past the playground. He first started by crying (after he tripped) and saying that he was sad that the playground was closed. But, he soon moved into proclaiming the virus must be gone because he can't see it.

We're "camping" in our living room tonight, to have something different on this Memorial Day weekend. We're not quite ready to try the backyard, and it's supposed to storm tonight anyway. So, we'll set up a tent, make s'mores at the kitchen table and hope that we get some sleep on the living room floor.

It's going to be a while until we can be carefree inside - and a while until the kids can really play with friends. We're very fortunate and I'm so grateful to be in the home we're in with the yard we have. I'm thankful that my kids play well together and are the age they are. But, this still is hard.

Packing Up

Because in-person worship will likely not happen before I finish up at the interim position I've been in for almost 3 years, I went in today to empty my office and get rid of all those papers that I've saved for reference for later (? why ?). And, in my "personal" drawer, with the sanitary pad, gum and extra crayons for my kids, I found a new breastmilk bag. I remembered that when I started this position, I was still nursing my youngest and had to close off my office around lunch time each day to pump. I remembered both loving the time without my kids hanging on me, but also missing them greatly and detesting the pump. I remembered thankfulness for the other staff in the building - all women - who never raised an eyebrow to my closed door and drawn blinds - and who were supportive of my family even as they barely saw them. A whole bunch of emotions hit me. Sadness at leaving mixed with sadness that my kids are growing. Joy at leaving mixed with joy at my kids not needing me nearly as much. Trepidation about what comes next - for the congregation, for the church, for my kids, for my professional life. It's amazing what happens in a few years, with kids, with a church (even when you're very part time), with your own frame of mind.