Death and Other Losses

I've been pouty and crabby the last few days and I don't like the pouty, crabby Amused.

I've had many funerals in the last year. So many that I'm no long nervous about them. But the funeral tomorrow is different. When I met him a little over a year ago he was a relatively healthy early 70's guy with a constant story and joke. 7 months ago he was diagnosed with cancer. This funeral is different because I walked with him - I knew him. (As did almost everyone in the congregation). And, I too will miss him.

I'm also crabby because I am anticipating other losses. Two of my secular friends leave very soon for a new city. They are the ones that knew me before I was Pastor Amused and with whom I rarely fall into "shop talk." They are the ones that keep in touch with what others my age (without the demanding careers) are like.

We've had 4 20-somethings staying at church all summer through a mission trip organization (they are the staff that hosts between 40 and 70 youth at our church from all over the country to do mission trips). And they leave in a little over a week. It has been so much fun to have them there all the time. Not to mention the ministry they do.

And, my summer roommate will be leaving the same day the mission trip staff do - likely within an hour of each other. We were just talking yesterday about living with people and I freely admit that I do like to live alone - but I am sure going to miss her when she leaves. My house will be more boring, and the possibility of easy conversation at the end of the day gone.

I am pretty good at being the one who leaves. I don't like being the one who stays. And so I'm crabby - and throwing a pity party for myself. It's not at all attractive.