Oxytocin and Grief

Sometime I need to keep track of phone calls from friends. Not necessarily who calls and why, but the patterns and times. I've wondered for some time if my friends all had some secret spidey sense that told them they should call me because often I'll go a couple of weeks without a call and then in three days I'll hear from 8 friends. It's not like it only happened once or twice - this has been a fairly regular pattern.

In today's "Lifestyle" section of the paper there is a rather long article originally from the Los Angeles Times entitled "The resilient sex gets boosts from biology, behavior" talking of women's biological and sociological aptitude for caring for oneself and each other. (Strange that this article is on Father's Day - the entire rest of the paper seems to be about people's relationships with their Dads). Here's an excerpt:

"The female instinct to call in the helper troops, that network of girlfriends, sets up a chemical cycle unique to women. When females fee stress, Taylor (a social neuroscientist from the University of California - LA) says, the hormone oxytocin is released. That encourages them to protect the kids and start the telephone tree. Contact with children or friends releases more oxytocin, further calming them and everyone around them. The hormone works better at reducing stress for women, Taylor says, because estrogen apparently enhances the action of oxytocin, while testosterone seems to reduce its effect."

I want to keep tract of those phone calls because I almost wonder if there isn't something else - some sense of connection when people are thinking of someone or need a friend.

This week was one of those weeks with lots of calls. And, I am glad to have had them - because it meant that I went into Saturday night and Sunday with more strength and I suppose more oxytocin. You see, my grandpa died peacefully last night at 9:30pm. And, even though I haven't called to specifically tell anyone about it, I feel supported by those friends who I've talked to in the last week or so.

My grandpa was ready to go - he really didn't wake up the entire day yesterday. And not only do I firmly believe he is with God, but he believed it too, and was eager for it.

I'm sad, and I cry a bit because it means that life will change and I will miss him. But, I know that my family will be okay - that my grandma will be okay - she is an incredibly capable person - and has a good network of family and friends.

And, I'm glad that I have a good network - surrounding me in thoughts, prayers and the occasional phone call.