Last year I was so looking forward to being settled. And, it hasn't really happened yet.
This is the first time in a long time that I am not packing up and getting ready to move at the beginning of the summer - or looking towards the quickly approaching time that I will leave.
In all my moving around I've formed good friends, but always with the understanding that I would be leaving. Now, I'm someplace to stay (for a while at least) and I'm still feeling somewhat separated.
That's my way of explaining the funk I've been in lately. Really, I'm lonely. And, I'm not sure where I'm headed. Or, what I want to do about almost anything.
There is something in me that is rebelling against staying. It takes boldness and strength to stay. I'm going to - I just don't want to put the energy to creating a healthy living situation...because, well - I'm not so good at creating community for myself (even though I think I'm pretty great at helping others to do it).
What I'd really like would be to have a magic wand waved over my life, to have ready made community, a less-stressful role at work (not a different role...just less-stressful), whatever it is that makes exercising fun for some people in me, and a romantic relationship with a wonderful guy.
Why is everything so much work?
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