Friday, April 07, 2006

Darn right, I'm changin'

"Don't ever change." Words that make me cringe. Words that I heard twice this week from people with whom I'd just challenged or disagreed with, but who said them out of respect.

I'm relatively happy with who I am. I don't anticipate any major upheaval or need for a complete makeover. Sure, I've got things about myself that bug me. I'd love to be able to have a clear head at all times (I think it's been foggy more frequently than clear in the last month). I'd love to be 5'8" and never have to worry about fly-aways. But, I'm fairly happy with who I am (and often enjoy being shorter). I can laugh at my semi-ditziness, I can pull my hair back when it bugs me. I feel good about who I am.

But, I don't want to stay the same.

What is behind these individual's saying this? Is it that they think they have me figured out? Isn't it more that they don't want their perceptions of me to change? If I showed them a different side of me (say, the whiny, needy side) would they think I have changed?

Do they expect to change? Why would they wish stagnancy on me? Why would they want my growth in faith, love, maturity, person to stop?

I know, I know. They're paying me a compliment. They are telling me that they appreciate who I am. But, a key part of who I am is the self-awareness and desire to evaluate and change. I know, they don't know me very well. And that's ok. But, I swear...I'm preaching a sermon on this someday.

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