I'm on vacation in times past.
Visiting my brother in CA, at his volunteer house brings me back to my volunteer year - at least at the beginning of it before we stopped trying. (It was hard w/ only two - and neither of us came at this thing naturally, so we composted, we recycled, we didn't buy things with lots of packaging, but we didn't really challenge each other about other habits).
My mind has been racing in the last few days because it feels like certain decisions have to be made. Intentionality of work, of carrying out vision, of living in the world. Between talking at a fundraising dinner for my seminary, continuing ed at a clergy event for faith-based community organizing, and coming to crash and be hosted by my brother's volunteer house makes me realize habits I've fallen into, and how I'm juggling different world realities and visions. I wonder how they can be managed together - and the contradictions of living in these different worlds.
But, I'm on vacation. My mind may not stop racing, but I can at least allow myself to be distracted by the sights of San Francisco.
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Sunday, April 23, 2006
Suffering Sermons
(The title should be said in the manner of the Warner Brothers cartoon character lisping "suffering sucatash")
I preached my last sermon (knock on wood) until Mother's Day. That's right. I've got next Sunday off and the 7th is Youth Sunday in which one of the youth is going to preach. (I feel semi-nervous about that because I've tried to set up appointments to meet with me so I can help him - taking my call to Word and Sacrament seriously - and I'm leaving town on Tuesday. I have already mentioned to the youth director that next year it will be the expectation that the preaching youth speak with me as they prepare the sermon).
Anyway - I've got 21 days until I preach again - it's amazing!
In some of my recent ponderings I've been so very amazed at the power I've been given. How many other people are given the opportunity to present ideas to a captive (ok, maybe only semi-captive) audience weekly? How many other people get to guide people as they think about their lives? It's an amazing privilege. And, an intimidating responsibility.
A responsibility that I'm glad to be free of for a short time, but that I'm sure I'll be glad to pick up again. I need a break. My sermons have been suffering for a lack of a break - for a lack of hearing others preach.
Rest, mind, rest.
I preached my last sermon (knock on wood) until Mother's Day. That's right. I've got next Sunday off and the 7th is Youth Sunday in which one of the youth is going to preach. (I feel semi-nervous about that because I've tried to set up appointments to meet with me so I can help him - taking my call to Word and Sacrament seriously - and I'm leaving town on Tuesday. I have already mentioned to the youth director that next year it will be the expectation that the preaching youth speak with me as they prepare the sermon).
Anyway - I've got 21 days until I preach again - it's amazing!
In some of my recent ponderings I've been so very amazed at the power I've been given. How many other people are given the opportunity to present ideas to a captive (ok, maybe only semi-captive) audience weekly? How many other people get to guide people as they think about their lives? It's an amazing privilege. And, an intimidating responsibility.
A responsibility that I'm glad to be free of for a short time, but that I'm sure I'll be glad to pick up again. I need a break. My sermons have been suffering for a lack of a break - for a lack of hearing others preach.
Rest, mind, rest.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Me
I feel a little like I'm gonna burst, but I'm not sure with what.
I'm exhausted.
I love Holy Week. I love Easter. I really do love my job (why am I always surprised by that?).
Funeral tonight - I'm really just the collar. Didn't need anything else. Really didn't need to be there except that it's only proper to have a pastor there.
Sobs for the 77 yr old woman who suffered from Alzheimers for the last 5 years. All I knew of her was these last 9 months - not good ones for her - where she couldn't even lift her head on her own.
I have so much fun with the funeral home guys. Is that wrong? Almost all of them have new babies or their wives are pregnant. I wonder if being involved in the business of death makes you feel the need to repopulate.
I'm exhausted.
Drinking last of a bottle of wine (gotta finish it up) and finishing off the last of my girl scout cookies. (Why does it turn into a gorge-fest every time I open up those boxes?)
Got an e-mail today from a parishioner detailing his Lenten experience. Amazingly, the services to him weren't all about the tasks and the details - he actually got the theology behind everything. My eyes water every time I think of that e-mail. (He even quoted the main point of my Easter sermon!)
Spiritual direction today helped me to spurt out everything that I've been experiencing. It felt so safe. And, helped me realize that God is within it all.
My plane takes off for California (and my brother) in one week and 10 hours.
Am I going to make it? I feel like I'm going to burst.
Tomorrow - with the only must do the committal. Feels good.
Sleep, will come tonight - it must...and if it doesn't come early I can sleep in.
I love my people - my congregation. The interactions, the energy, the care they give one another and me. I wouldn't get rid of one of them (at this time...even my alligator is turning out to be more of a flea than an alligator). And so many are in pain. So many are dealing with things so much bigger than what I'm personally dealing with. And they come to me. They share with me. They look for me to help them see how God is involved. And, I love them. And I cry when I think about it.
This is me. These are my thoughts at the moment. In a couple of minutes I'm going to completely turn off and become one with one of those detective shows on tv. I don't know which one - whichever one is on and gets good reception.
I'm exhausted.
I love Holy Week. I love Easter. I really do love my job (why am I always surprised by that?).
Funeral tonight - I'm really just the collar. Didn't need anything else. Really didn't need to be there except that it's only proper to have a pastor there.
Sobs for the 77 yr old woman who suffered from Alzheimers for the last 5 years. All I knew of her was these last 9 months - not good ones for her - where she couldn't even lift her head on her own.
I have so much fun with the funeral home guys. Is that wrong? Almost all of them have new babies or their wives are pregnant. I wonder if being involved in the business of death makes you feel the need to repopulate.
I'm exhausted.
Drinking last of a bottle of wine (gotta finish it up) and finishing off the last of my girl scout cookies. (Why does it turn into a gorge-fest every time I open up those boxes?)
Got an e-mail today from a parishioner detailing his Lenten experience. Amazingly, the services to him weren't all about the tasks and the details - he actually got the theology behind everything. My eyes water every time I think of that e-mail. (He even quoted the main point of my Easter sermon!)
Spiritual direction today helped me to spurt out everything that I've been experiencing. It felt so safe. And, helped me realize that God is within it all.
My plane takes off for California (and my brother) in one week and 10 hours.
Am I going to make it? I feel like I'm going to burst.
Tomorrow - with the only must do the committal. Feels good.
Sleep, will come tonight - it must...and if it doesn't come early I can sleep in.
I love my people - my congregation. The interactions, the energy, the care they give one another and me. I wouldn't get rid of one of them (at this time...even my alligator is turning out to be more of a flea than an alligator). And so many are in pain. So many are dealing with things so much bigger than what I'm personally dealing with. And they come to me. They share with me. They look for me to help them see how God is involved. And, I love them. And I cry when I think about it.
This is me. These are my thoughts at the moment. In a couple of minutes I'm going to completely turn off and become one with one of those detective shows on tv. I don't know which one - whichever one is on and gets good reception.
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Free to Worship
After Thursday evening and Friday evening services, after an entire day at church with an amazing work crew (cleaning and decorating for tomorrow) - I got my worshipful experience.
I got to be one of two "storytellers" in a friend's Easter Vigil - and I got out of it way more than I put in it.
After thinking about it for a little while, I realized, even though I was up front and involved in most parts of the service - I had very little responsibility. It was so nice just to sink into the role.
No one asking any last minute questions. No concern about what to do if so-and-so (who always comes late) was going to show up in time to fulfill his/her duty. No annoying "Pastor, Pastor, Pastor" from people who just don't understand that three minutes prior to worship is not a good time to ask questions or get into a deep dicussion.
I felt so free. Free to worship. Free from worry and from expectations.
Thanks, Sue.
I got to be one of two "storytellers" in a friend's Easter Vigil - and I got out of it way more than I put in it.
After thinking about it for a little while, I realized, even though I was up front and involved in most parts of the service - I had very little responsibility. It was so nice just to sink into the role.
No one asking any last minute questions. No concern about what to do if so-and-so (who always comes late) was going to show up in time to fulfill his/her duty. No annoying "Pastor, Pastor, Pastor" from people who just don't understand that three minutes prior to worship is not a good time to ask questions or get into a deep dicussion.
I felt so free. Free to worship. Free from worry and from expectations.
Thanks, Sue.
Friday, April 14, 2006
Death and Taxes....New Life and Tax Accountants?
What cruel machinations
allow the most holy of holy days,
the celebration of the Risen One!
the vigil of Easter
(and the day we clean and decorate the church)
to coincide with the day of stress and scramble
that is TAX DAY?
(And why did it have to happen this first year that I'm figuring out Estimated Tax and the perks of the biz)
allow the most holy of holy days,
the celebration of the Risen One!
the vigil of Easter
(and the day we clean and decorate the church)
to coincide with the day of stress and scramble
that is TAX DAY?
(And why did it have to happen this first year that I'm figuring out Estimated Tax and the perks of the biz)
Saturday, April 08, 2006
My aura is BLUE
Confidential to Belle: Got this from your site - As I took it I had this unreasonable fear that I was going to come out as red or something. Tehe.
| Your Aura is Blue |
 You in Love: Relationships are your top priority, and this includes love. You are most happy when you are serious with someone. Your Career: You need to help others in your job to feel satistifed. You would be a great nurse, psychologist, or counselor. |
What Color Is Your Aura?
Friday, April 07, 2006
Darn right, I'm changin'
"Don't ever change." Words that make me cringe. Words that I heard twice this week from people with whom I'd just challenged or disagreed with, but who said them out of respect.
I'm relatively happy with who I am. I don't anticipate any major upheaval or need for a complete makeover. Sure, I've got things about myself that bug me. I'd love to be able to have a clear head at all times (I think it's been foggy more frequently than clear in the last month). I'd love to be 5'8" and never have to worry about fly-aways. But, I'm fairly happy with who I am (and often enjoy being shorter). I can laugh at my semi-ditziness, I can pull my hair back when it bugs me. I feel good about who I am.
But, I don't want to stay the same.
What is behind these individual's saying this? Is it that they think they have me figured out? Isn't it more that they don't want their perceptions of me to change? If I showed them a different side of me (say, the whiny, needy side) would they think I have changed?
Do they expect to change? Why would they wish stagnancy on me? Why would they want my growth in faith, love, maturity, person to stop?
I know, I know. They're paying me a compliment. They are telling me that they appreciate who I am. But, a key part of who I am is the self-awareness and desire to evaluate and change. I know, they don't know me very well. And that's ok. But, I swear...I'm preaching a sermon on this someday.
I'm relatively happy with who I am. I don't anticipate any major upheaval or need for a complete makeover. Sure, I've got things about myself that bug me. I'd love to be able to have a clear head at all times (I think it's been foggy more frequently than clear in the last month). I'd love to be 5'8" and never have to worry about fly-aways. But, I'm fairly happy with who I am (and often enjoy being shorter). I can laugh at my semi-ditziness, I can pull my hair back when it bugs me. I feel good about who I am.
But, I don't want to stay the same.
What is behind these individual's saying this? Is it that they think they have me figured out? Isn't it more that they don't want their perceptions of me to change? If I showed them a different side of me (say, the whiny, needy side) would they think I have changed?
Do they expect to change? Why would they wish stagnancy on me? Why would they want my growth in faith, love, maturity, person to stop?
I know, I know. They're paying me a compliment. They are telling me that they appreciate who I am. But, a key part of who I am is the self-awareness and desire to evaluate and change. I know, they don't know me very well. And that's ok. But, I swear...I'm preaching a sermon on this someday.
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