My last post seems so depressing. In actuality, within hours of posting it things began to turn around. My parents are coming out for New Year's Eve. Which, considering I can't stay out very late due to work obligations early the next morning, and considering that I'm single, is the best thing I think could have happened. Now I get to spend New Year's with people I love, and not feel like a fuddy duddy for leaving before the ball drops.
Also, I was cued into a flight between here and my parents' home for an incredibly reasonable price. Which means I get more time with family and friends and less time in the car (almost 10 hours less travel time!)
However, I've been back at the teary stage, but this time I can point fingers. I'm stressed. It's 8 am on Christmas Eve morning and I haven't finished my sermon for tonight and barely begun my sermon for tomorrow morning. (Uff! Just remembered - children's sermon for tomorrow!) Also, a parishioner that I've been steadily visiting in the hospital died yesterday, and due to plane tickets I will not be doing the funeral. That feels really hard to give it up. It's the second time I've gone on vacation, and the second time I've had to ask another pastor to step in to preside at the funeral.
So, I'm not in the Christmas spirit. I'm surrounding myself with Christmas music. I've got my tree lights on. I'm wishing everyone I see "Merry Christmas." But, because of this whole worship leadership thing, I'm losing sight of some of the beauty and mystery.
I do wish that for everyone - A Merry Christmas, where the wonder of the gift of God is felt.
2 comments:
This being a new young pastor thing is really hard--especially around Christmas I've found. (This year was my 3rd Christmas as a pastor.) It's hard to have the same mystery and beauty (I think those were your words) when you are the one leading worship. For me there is still some found in the singing of Silent Night to candlelight and watching the light reflected in the faces of the people gathered. Christ is love's pure light--here with us, Immanuel, here in our gathering.
By the way, I found your blog through Jess at "What, you too?"
Thanks, Jodi. It does help to know it's not just me. I did find some of that mystery and wonder - and it was in the candlelight portion of the service. Between the 2nd and 3rd verses I read John 1:1-14 and was choked up the entire time. It was beautiful. (We had an acoustic guitar playing in the background). I'm still getting teary as I think about it.
Thanks for commiserating with me!
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