Getting out of the way.

A paraphrased conversation with my dad:

Me: "Things are just feeling really good. And, it's not about me. People are feeling invested, like it's a place they're proud of and want to be. And that's catching."

Dad: "Ironically, it's precisely because of you."

I wonder how often pastors get in the way. I do think that the reason people are feeling invested has something to do with me - but in some ways it has more to do with the fact that sometimes I don't know what the heck I'm doing and so need to rely on others in a different way than a more seasoned pastor would. (Depending on the seasoning, of course).

These last couple weeks have been huge ego boosts - and so of course I don't trust them. I got a call today from a nearby pastor who many of my church ladies love (he comes and gives a devotion at our senior center about once a month...they love his weeks). He called to tell me of his lunch conversation with a bunch of my members in which they were just praising me for all that's going on. Again, it's more because I've gotten out of the way, I think.

Either that or it's the beautiful weather. I know I've been in an obnoxiously good mood lately. Maybe someone leaked a happy gas into the air and everyone who comes to the church breaths it in. Hey, if that's what it takes...

Resolving Disagreeableness

I sometimes wonder if I'm disagreeable (as in disagreeing with someone...not the way I'm received, although for some it's one and the same) because I think it's honest, or because I want to change someone, or because I'm wanting to be in good relationship, or just because I'm crabby.

I feel crabby when I disagree with someone. It's against my nature. But, it's also against my nature to be dishonest. And, I don't want to be a "yes-woman." I don't respect "yes-people."

I wonder, though, how fair it is to some of the relationships I have - those in which I tend towards the most disagreeable. When someone is always disagreeing with me I get tired of it. On the other hand, I get tired if someone is always saying things with which I completely disagree.

Yet, I value diversity of opinion and of individuals. And, I value being able to share my opinion.

There could be something in this about desiring harmony and similarity - a colleague today said we tend toward the familiar. Does that mean of thought as well as practice? There is beauty in dissonance too, but the beauty is in the ache for resolution.

I wish I had a good sense of how my disagreeableness is received - especially by the people with whom I disagree most (and they haven't been invited to this blog). I wonder, if I knew people understood my reasoning, my impetus in my disagreement, if I would find some resolution. Just in that understanding.